Dominants Aren't Everything

        In today’s society, I would like to believe that our social locations such as gender, sexual orientation, economic class, and nationality would not put us in a different category of power. Sadly it still does. I am lucky for all the good and bad in my life in regards to my dominant and non dominant positions, because either way all these experiences have made me the strong individual that I am today. My dominating position of being a light complexioned latino with european features have in some ways made my life easier. On the other end, my non dominating positions of being a gay latin male who fluctuates in weight has burdened me in many ways as well.

Being a light complected latin male has helped me in this male european driven society because of my outer appearance. The mix of my Scottish blood and Mexican blood have physicalized me to fit into the Caucasian mold but also differently enough to be unique. Here we see being complaint and  the usage of empowerment at the same time. Weirdly, my mix of cultures have popped out an individual who looks conformed enough (complaint) to be acceptable and different enough to be wanted more in jobs than my other dark complexioned latin family. I have never accepted this discrimination, but it is something that does exist. I have brown eyes, very light complexioned skin, greek curls, a height of 6’2, and masculine features. We are living in a very superficial world, so without any help my genetics have placed me as one of the most desired and powerful positions of the Western Culture. 

When I modeled and acted for a living my look was very much wanted when my weight was at bay. My opportunities for runway shows, print jobs, and auditions for shows like The Vampire Diaries and Super Natural were fluid enough to keep me coming back. I am also a human who’s weight fluctuates like many people. This is not a good thing for the modeling world or acting world specifically when your “Type” is the Lead who is supposed be fit, tall, Caucasian, and masculine. I was always told that my weight had to always be in check. They never pushed how, but lets just say that the finger down the throat was seen often but never spoken about. My weight was always an issue for me, so when I was thin jobs came soaring in, but when my weight was out of control the jobs always slowed way down. The entertainment industry has always put this harsh and fake facade on the world. It pretends to equally represent the population through its diverse cast, but in truth it cages most people because it only represents about 1 percent of its audience. 

The majority of top shows are filled with starving models and actors who are the light complexioned versions of their own cultures. This is not diverse yet we all fall into the producers hands who are banking on our desire to be these fictional characters. Think about it. One major reason why they keep this facade is because they know that most people will never be these people. Shows on the CW pick actors who can be idolized, desired, those looks that can sell a product, and those actors that can be attached to other products like make up campaigns so executive producers have another avenue to make more money on the misrepresented audience. 

Another non dominating factor is my Mexican heritage. I have discussed my light complexioned skin as a positive in the Western European driven world, but in my own community it is sometimes frowned upon. I am very knowledgeable about my culture yet my inability to understand and speak the language places me at the bottom of the acceptance list. I have always been judged by my own community, have been told that I am ‘White Washed,” a gringo, and that I am not Mexican enough based on my skin complexion and english speaking mouth. When I was younger this hurt me all the time. I even went to lengths to teach my self Spanish, put my self in classes to learn Spanish, and have my own family test me at home everyday for months. The problem here is that there are so many versions of Spanish, so in the end I was still being tormented because my Spanish was not correct. These days I really don't care, because those ignorant people are always going to be out there, but this is definitely another non dominant in my own culture.

My last non dominant position is to me both a dominant and a non dominant. My sexual orientation has always either been fully accepted or hated depending on my positioning in Los Angeles and depending on who I spent my time with. When I lived in Santa Clarita (where the Caucasian culture is very dominant), I was very active in my Churches. I sang with them for about a year after I was with this church for about 3 years before that. For the longest time I felt like I needed to keep my sexual orientation quiet, because that is what I was taught in the Catholic religion and in my twelve years of experience going to a Catholic school. 

After working with the band for about a year I decided to relax a little and invite some band mates to the Abbey which is a gay restaurant and club in West Hollywood. Now let me scene set this for a second. As a performer on stage I would get letters and complements from many members saying they loved that I actually moved on stage. They loved that I was very personable off as well. I was being prepped to be a lead singer for this band, but after I invited the wrong people to West Hollywood my Music Director (an ignorant wannabe Christian woman) asked me to step down through an email. Never really gave any reason (even though I pushed to know why), but after that moment I never went to that Church again. I knew why. 

A year later I actually got together with another band mate who turned out to be a lesbian. She was best friends with this musical director. We sat and had coffee while she expressed to me that her best friend told her to step down because she was gay. At this time, I was young and still just coming out of the closet so I didn't fight. Luckily she stepped down a couple years later, and the Church (from what I heard) started having services focusing on the acceptance of the LGBTQ community. The is a very hard place to change because they are so wrapped up in the old and dated philosophies. Yes many basics like love your neighbor, the gold means, and golden rules all are great things to live by, but obviously some people decide for themselves when these teachings should be applied or not. 

There is always going to be ignorant people and depending on your geographical position we will see more or less of these stubborn and stuck in their ways kind of people.  These days I have been interviewing with different LBGTQ non profits and organizations. Many of them are ironically in West Hollywood where the freedom of sexual orientation is celebrated. In this area the non dominant position becomes the dominant, because the majority are either gay themselves or supporters of gay rights. I become the dominant position in my interviews, because these jobs are looking for people with experience with LGBTQ rights, individuality, and people who can relate to youth of today who may be gay or not. I become the dominant position because the people in power here are also part of non dominant positions. 

Dominating and non dominating positions are factored by the surrounding population. If the people in power believe that their gender or race is superior then they have a spoken or unspoken say in that matter. I say unspoken because many times today discriminations like racism, sexism, and discrimination against sexual orientation are not expressed out loud in business. If a business owner gave that information to the applicant then they could be sued. These days a lot of discrimination is unspoken because they are trying to save their own butts. 

Rather or not one is seen in the dominant or non dominant positions they still have the power to over come it all.They do not need to conform everything they are to meet standards that evolve everyday. My experience tells me that it doesn't matter what position society tries to fit you in. You get to decide that for yourself. It may be more difficult because of the ignorance of people in power, but by being the non dominant it makes you more aware of what is going on. In my life it has made me stronger. In my life it has taught me to have a wider observational set. In my life it has shown me that the dominant and non dominant of a culture will always change depending on the people in power. Since people in power are all different depending on the job you are trying to take there is no need to fear conformity. The fact is that more people of the non dominant positions are grabbing power, so allowing your individuality and uniqueness to be expressed is a smart thing to do. Just be yourself and everything will fall into place. 

Look what I found. Haha. My brother and I decided to play around with a basic 12 bar blues track a bit ago. I had a lot of fun coming up with the rest and working with Jonathan Guerra in his studio. It's called "Only Today." Happy Flash Back Friday.  Enjoy :p

Fly Me To The Moon

Big Bright World (Garbage)

This is Garbage's new music video. Aric and I were honored to be in it with other wonderful Darklings that were chosen. We had a blast on set and now have some great new memories to share for the rest of our lives. Thank you again to Garbage and to Garbage's team for being so kind. ;)

Ciao

Nico

The 5 R's In Relationship

     Relationships are all different. They come in all shapes and sizes, all different colors and beginnings, but when it comes to be, the fundamentals are what makes for a long lasting success. Now, there are plenty of varieties depending on whom you’re with and how the relationship is based, but I find the five major components are the 5 R's. They are Respect, Romance, Remember, Reverend Confession, and Refine.  Don’t get stressed out. Really, it isn’t that bad. Each one has more than a little to bring to the table, so lets get started shall we.

     The first, of course, is RESPECT. This comes in all forms between people in general, but it is most important in gluing the bond between two lovers. It is the foundation that everything else builds upon like the solid concrete that holds up the Roman Coliseum. One should always know that both are equal in the relationship, because it not only brings fairness between them but it brings self-love. It provides strength so one knows they are worth it and gives them a sense of identity to speak up. Two people are supposed to have a voice and if you don’t think so, then maybe a relationship is not what you should be in.

     Another part of Respect is something I like to call “Personal Space or Place Your Case.” We all have wandering eyes that can sometimes get us into trouble, but try your hardest not to faultier under pressure. Personal space, like your lover's cell phone or even the separate gym time they like to keep to themselves, can save a relationship. Yes, when it comes down to it, people may believe when MARRIED all what is yours becomes OURS, but you're wrong. You do share lives that need to feel shared, but some things need to stay theirs. Unless of course you have reason to suspect infidelity, then in my eyes all bets are off. But until that evidence is to the forefront, DO NOT LET YOUR TEMPTATION GET THE BEST OF YOU.

    The hard part of being human for many is pride. The pride of compromising, the pride of asking for help, but one of the hardest things is the pride of apologizing when you are wrong. It may take some time to realize this, which is different for everyone, but admitting that you’re wrong when you’re wrong is for both of you. It shows that you’re not perfect, because no one is; it shows that you love your mate even if it is not a big deal to you, and it promises your lover that YOU ARE in it together. You may be someone that is used to solving matters on your own, or even might be someone that thinks they are ALWAYS right, but in the end you know that you are not. If you have to go outside for a breather, go for a walk, or even simply ask if you can have a little more time to figure it out then do it. Do not let your pride get the best of you. If you really love the person, then let them know it by showing vulnerability.

Nicolas Guerra & Aric Sky

    The next R is ROMANCE. This is one of my favorites, and it tends to be the one that many miss or lose as time progresses. Both lovers need to be romanced. I can never stress this enough. Let me repeat, BOTH LOVERS NEED ROMANCE! Only because society tries to press that it is the MAN’S JOB, it is not. Yes the man should romance over all, but don’t forget your man. You need to let them know that they are special too. I am not being a baby on this, but I always feel that guys get short handed because of what we are taught when we are growing up. For me, I like to call it SURPRISE WITH YOUR EYES. What this means is you don’t always have to go over the top (please do if that is what they like ;)), but surprise them over the holidays. That is all they ask. Just once in a while. Someone like myself doesn’t like huge surprises, but if you can find a way to give love without making it anxiety rigged, then do it, because no one else will the way that you can. And believe me, you are the one that your BABE wants to see it come from no matter what they say.

     The last part of Romance comes with the JUST BECAUSE territory. I mean come on! In truth, the holidays are really never going to be a huge surprise. Most are expecting something in the back of their minds, but how you can really get them is by doing something JUST BECAUSE. Not only will you catch your man or woman (I’m not judging) off guard, but here also is where the magic lies. It really does. If you want to get points for going beyond then hone in on the small things.

     In the beginning of my relationship with my boyfriend Aric, he surprised me with sneaking roses into my car without me knowing. So when I woke up and headed to class, I had a “WHAT THE FUCK” moment when I discovered at my right there were red roses. I am not going to lie; I was scared for a moment. I didn’t know if I had a stocker or what, but especially now I can look back and have proof in my catalog of memories that he is different. He is someone that did something for me that no one else had ever thought of. And see, it wasn’t a big party and there wasn’t an event attached to it, but from his gesture I realized that I did love him and he loves me. You mean the world to me BABE. 

     Next on the Agenda is REMEMBER. This is part of the relationship that everyone has trouble with even myself. Just keep it simple when it comes to holidays. Think VALENTINE’S Day (Check), BIRTHDAY (Check), and ANNIVERSARY (Check). If you are confused with anyone of these then ASK! Ask directly or ask with charm by being slick about it. I don’t care, but there is no reason for you to forget these. Just Write the BLOODY THING DOWN or even give it to your MOMMA if you have to. There is absolutely no reason you can ever give that allows you to forget these moments. You can literally have ALZHEIMERS and your mate will not be amused.

     This goes into the next part of Remember, and that is putting your lover first after you can love yourself. Don’t get confused! You may be thinking “THIS IS A TRICK STATMENT,” it isn’t. You need to first love yourself, because how can we love anyone else if we cannot do that? Take time to get to know yourself. And in all honesty, if you have not learned to love yourself, you may not be ready to be in a relationship either. After you take some time to figure YOU-> OUT, your lover should be on your mind when it comes to decision-making, and when events come to pass that affect the relationship. Even the little things like keeping communication between each other, or getting back to your lover in a reasonable time of them calling you is part of it. Always put yourself in your lover’s shoes, and if that doesn’t help you, ask them what little things are important to them. Because they tend to be the parts that annoy your lover, and can cause unneeded arguments that could have been prevented.

      Now one of the hardest parts of the 5 R’s, or maybe for some it is the easiest, is the REVEREND CONFESSION. Let me explain. What this has to deal with is honesty, trust, and a little bit of good faith. Picture a confessional, for the Catholics, with a priest listening in on your sins. And you are sitting in a closet of a room as you talk through a little window. This is much like that but without the priest, without the claustrophobic closet, and without the Hail Marys coined with a couple of dreaded Our Fathers.  It is a place where you and your lover can speak freely, but with respect and without any precautions or prosecutions. It is a save Haven between you and your partner where you let each other know what is really going on inside, what can be worked on between each other, and even a place were you could possibly get in an apology that you might have missed.

     This is scary for many, because most couples keep a lot to themselves for the sake of compromise or for the sake of not arguing. This is where you are wrong again. I understand you may be tired from a long day, or maybe you just stopped arguing and the peace feels golden. The problem is if you do not speak up about your dilemmas, I can promise you that they are going to come up again. AND AGAIN... AND AGAIN.

      Anyways, relationships are supposed to be based on honesty, right? I mean, come on. You know damn well, that there is something you might want to say that you have locked in your mind for only your ears to hear. And as much as you might want to keep it like that, you need to let it out.

      If you find it is difficult to get a word in then write everything down, make rules for the discussion, and use a baton of sorts. Whoever has the baton is aloud to speak while the one without is there to listen. As the other speaks, you can go ahead and write it down if you must, because in the heat of the moment we all forget and even find it hard to stay quiet. A word of advice if I may add, you might want to do this when your tempers are cooled. You know, when the fire in your eyes has been left to a miniature mosquito sized lit of a flame? Both will be calm enough to listen and your risk of a heart attack will demise back down to 1%. Well, it may be more; I’m not your nutritionist, so either way it will be less than before.

    We are finally at the last R. Do I hear cheering and applause in the bleachers, or is that just my imagination? No I think I’m right.  It is cheers. The Last R is Refine. See relationships may not start complicated, but as we get older and the relationship grows they tend to become that way. It isn’t the relationship’s fault, so don’t blame. It has plenty of feelings to, and if you make it sad it may not come to cuddle you at night when you are all alone, because you didn’t listen to me. I am just playing with you, I am sure your relationship is working, and if it is not, than that is what I am here for.

    Refine is basically telling you that your relationship does not have to be complicated, even when new components like children or moving in together are added to the table. You have the power to simplify it. Patty from Million Dollar Matchmaker said it best when teaching the importance of having your NON-NEGOTIABLES. These are the things you want out of a relationship that you need to have and are not willing to change. These can include if you want a family, if you want your lover to be religious or not at all, or the nonnegotiable of needing someone that satisfies you with THE SMALL THINGS. Everyone needs to look at these first before coming into a relationship, because if you don’t then a happy long lasting relationship is nearly impossible.

    The next step is letting your lover know from the beginning. As we know, we are creatures that evolve, and we are creatures that change our minds. It is all ok, but give your lover a fighting chance will ya? If your non-negotiables change, discuss it with them and see if they are on the right page. If they are not then maybe it is time to move on, or maybe it is just time for a break. Don’t be turned off from the word BREAK, because it should be an option if needed. It doesn’t mean the person is not in love with you anymore, it simply means they need to figure a couple things out. It might not even be you, but with life throwing so many curve balls breaks can sometimes save a relationship more than you know. Now if your lover is no longer interested, then be respectful and don’t go crazy. There is a difference between fighting to get them back, and completely acting like a maniac. Love yourself enough to understand when you should fight and when you should leave.

     So there are my 5 Rs. To recap for those, like me, who have a short attention span at times, they are Respect, Romance, Remember, Reverend Confession, and Refine. We all really do come in all different shapes and backgrounds when it comes to love and relationships. But never forget that you have the power to have a successful loving and long lasting relationship. It doesn’t matter where your MOMMA comes from, if you come from a broken family, or a broken heart. We can and deserver love in our lives. I promise you, if you take time to love yourself, love your partner, and listen to these 5 R’s, you will find the right kind of love that is right for you. So keep your head up, give a smile, and continue to love, because that is what we are born to do.

    

    

    

I Hate Love VDay Video 2012

Thank you Garbage for including my baby Aric Sky and I's photo in your "I Hate Love" Valentine's Day Video 2012. You put such an amazing smile on my baby's face today which I oh all the world to. 

I hope you all have an amazing day. =)

Ciao

Romance. Isn't Just for Women?

   In straight relationships the roles of romance are usually quite easy to figure out. Between women and men the woman will always get the heads up on the surprises, the gifts, the luxuries (if lucky), the Cinderella red carpet (if you have a gentleman), and above all else which wraps up everything with a rose red bow, the romance. But how do these roles align in a gay relationship. How does a gay couple know who should be romanced?

   My main argument will come later to really discuss gay men relationships, but first we have to understand the dynamics. Rather in a Lesbian, Transgender, Bisexual, or a full on man on man relationship the roles are usually explained in the beginning. Some people say there has to be one role that is more feminine than the other, so in every case the easy way to know who gets romanced is who has the most feminine characteristics. Who in the relationship shows and prefers to be more feminine.

     I would have to give the Transgender and Bisexual couples an upper hand. Of course not in every case, but for the most part these are easy in and easy out. No I am not referring to the sexual positions one may take in the relationship (you may day dream if you like), but usually the more manlier figure is going to be the man. In Bisexual relationships (referring to if a man is involved), especially if the man is not so manly (wink), the roles usually still go to the man. Yes the roles do flip on occasion, and yes I understand that this does not count for every set in the world. But they do tend to be what the observer sees.

    Now for Lesbians and Gays. (This term “gay” is usually set for gay men in particular. There are other names but they tend to lean to the more sexual persuasion. ;p) This is where it gets a little bit more difficult. In lesbian relationships and gay relationships we have either two men or two women. Depending if you are in open relationships or not, options may vary, but for this blog we will stick with the classic set of twos. If we find that each person in the relationship still show those different characteristics then we usually find the “Manlier” figure is the one romancing. But situations do still get confusing. That is why communication is key to the success of it.

     I still give an upper hand to women relationships as well because women tend to still go out of their way for each other rather one is expecting to be "The Romanced." With both still having a woman’s touch. Again "YES" relationships will vary depending where you are, what kind of people you engaged with, and what kind of values each of you hold, but women in my experience still understand the power of communication which in turn allow themselves to share roles.

     Well now we finally come to gay men relationships. They are difficult “Son of a Guns” aren’t they. I often hear the coined phrase that “Hollywood Relationships last longer than a Gay Relationship.” That “You’re lucky if you get to a 1 year anniversary.”  Even that “7 months in a gay relationship is like 3 or more years in gay years.” As we all know these are not true. I have heard of many relationships that have been together much longer with no infidelities and are still together. They are also very happy “Son of A Guns.” My boyfriend, in particular, would definitely stand strong on that notion, but I can’t help myself and believe that there is some truth in those ridiculous sayings.

      Last night I was battling between these views. My boyfriend is 6 years older than I, so maybe my idea is just based on my generation alone or maybe we have just been traveling in two very different circles. In which, his is surrounded by long lasting gay relationships and mine on singles trying or not caring to be in relationships. Rather which is more accurate we all know that any relationship is difficult. Some flow with more ease than others, but still challenges do apply.

     In gay relationships we have two men. As statistics show women do mature faster than men. That includes our minds. Now in Scientist America it does show that straight women and gay men have similar minds different of those of the heterosexual male orient. Scientists say, “In the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences USA that gay men and straight women share similar traits—most notably in the size of their brains and the activity of the amygdala.” But men are still men and sometimes the needs are not as obvious. In saying this, the roles in the relationship can get even more difficult.

     The rules of attraction are still seen here, because usually those with feminine traits end off with those men with more masculine traits. (Do not get offended by my use of titling by these two different categories, because I am simply using a method that we can all understand.) Romance on the other hand gets hazy. The overall idea is that women get romanced and men do the romancing. So what do we do when there are two men?

     Besides the fact of the rules of attraction, sometimes we find ourselves in equal balanced relationships. That means that both share feminine and masculine traits; preferring to share the roles and name themselves in a “Partnered Relationship.” Not labeling either as the man or woman. I agree with this concept because that is what I am in. I do prefer to be the one that romances, but what I have learned over the years is that men want to be romanced too.

    It doesn’t matter if you are in a heterosexual or gay relationship both need to be romanced. Both need to feel like they are wanted, loved, and appreciated. Maybe this means in different ways, but that is your job to figure out. I think this is where the misconception and difficulty comes from when it comes to gay relationships.

     Men you need to show your partner that you love them. If you are not one of those people that can be what the relationship requires (highlighting the commitment factor aka not cheating), then maybe you should be honest with yourself and your lover. Simply asking and not always assuming can make a big difference. Sometimes even asking again after a certain time has elapsed can make even a bigger difference. As honest as we try to be our walls will always be up in the beginning, so asking in a different way later on in the relationship can save it.

      And do us all a favor and stop using the man approach. It is not fair to use the “Well I am a Man” excuse. If you want to be single then be respectful of the other in the relationship and get out. If you want to be both then cover that with your partner up front, but it takes two to make a long lasting commitment. That will beat the odds in any embarkment, because a relationship is a relationship above all else. It takes time. It takes work. It takes trust, love, and honesty. But never forget it also takes romance.

     

Stop The Hate

     When I was deciding what I should write in this blog I came to a wall. Something that many writers and artists come to once in a while. A block tends to linger for whatever the reason is. Some people say it is simply because our minds get tired. Others may agree that maybe inspiration just didn’t thrive them enough to express them selves. For me, it was because I had nothing to say.

     Then I turned on the TV. Began listening to friend’s stories that shared their recent events. I watched a clip on bullying, suicide, and listened to sorrow coming from places that should never be felt again. The hatred of those that prey on men, women, and children alike because of being Who They Are. This is a touchy subject for me, because I have been through the same hatred. Not because I was causing any form of dilemma for anyone, but simply because of being gay.

 I am older now and my situations dealing with ill minded people have mostly deceased, but hearing that this heartache still has to be experienced baffles me. Today should be so much different. It should be filled with more self-awareness and respect not hate. We are not in the stone ages of knowledge. We are in an Era where almost every truth of our history is recorded and is able to be seen right at our fingertips if we chose to search. And by this gift those that were once ignorant would be able to find solitude and remember that even their own people were in the line of prejudice. I would hope that in doing so they would come to realize that their injustice should never be repeated onto another, because that is not the way.

    We live in a melting pot of culture and religion. We are lucky enough to walk out our doors and speak with confidence, why choose to go back steps. History has proven that these attacks will be overturned because deep inside we all know that they are wrong. But you have to open your eyes now. Have to change the idea of love that some still hold as a truth.
     It doesn't matter if you are Christian, Muslim, Catholic, Islamic, Hindu, Atheist, or of any other affiliation you connect with, you do not have the right to attack someone because of who they choose to love. That is beyond the power of judgment. Especially ours.We are here to LOVE. As corny as that may sound to some. We are here to live, to love, and to find our way back to love if we get off track. I am not a preacher nor am I someone who claims to know everything, but I do know this. I have understood this since I was a little kid, and I know everyone of you knows this too.

    If you are reading this blog and come to find that you disagree with what I am saying then do me a favor. Remember. Go to your memories; go to when you were just a little kid, before anyone started to fill your mind with their knowledge and opinion. When the sound of your heart was stronger than that of only your mind. Did you judge with negativity? Did you try to make others feel inferior? Did you try to use hatred for things you didn’t comprehend? Or were you just curious of everything. Asking every question that your mind and heart could come up with. Trying just to be happy and share that happiness with others. With everyone. With full acceptance of who they are. With out a care from those who may just not understand.

                                           

                              What Changed? 

Turned Away For Being Gay!

     Blood drives through out the United States are not accepting blood donations from homosexual men sexually active with other men because of a policy passed by The Food and Drug Administration in 1983. In certain cases, donors who were not homosexual were turned away because the assumption was made that they were.

     Today, all blood donated is tested extensively for HIV, Hepatitis B, Hepatitis C, Syphilis, and other transmitted diseases before being released to any hospitals.

     The policy made by The Food and Drug Administration was created because of the AIDS outbreak in Los Angeles and the rest of the United States. During interviews for prospective donors a questionnaire is given deciding rather one is eligible to participate or not.

Picture of the FDA Questionnaire 1

The actual question added in 1983 (at left) to The Food and Drug Administration questionnaire asks, “Male Donors: From 1977 to present have you had sex, even once, with another male?” It leaves a bubble as well for female applicants to pass to the next question. “We certainly see this as a discriminatory issue,’’ said Nathan Schaefer, director of public policy for the GAY MEN’S HEALTH CRISIS. “It unfairly singles out gay men.” On the New York Times website published by Jacqueline Mroz an interviewee stated, “I work in a nonprofit sector, and it’s important for me to give back. You can’t participate in a work place event. I have to explain that my government thinks my blood is tainted.”

     Such places as the Red Cross do agree with gay activist in overturning the policy but still turn away male blood donors who bubble in that they do have sex with other men. According to the New York Times Bebe Anderson, H.I.V. Project Director for Lambda Legal said, “Turning away perfectly good donors gives an incorrect and harmful message. This is screening donors based on sexual orientation, not on risk. It also stigmatizes people who wish to donate.”

     In particular cases men have been turned away merely on the appearance of homosexuality when they have explained they are not. During a recent interview by Jerry Davich from the Chicago Sun-Times on July 15, 2011 a 22-year-old male was handled in this manner by Bio-Blood Components Inc. in Gary, Ind.  The young guy said, “ I was humiliated and embarrassed. It’s not right that homeless people can give blood but homosexuals can’t. And I’m not even homosexual.” Bio-Blood had no comment when Davich tried to contact them.

University of Texas
Photo by Jana Birchum

     Maybe someday the United States can follow in the footsteps like the United Kingdom who allow everyone to donate blood with a one-year deferral. It first starts with bringing this awareness to the forefront not just other parts of the United States but right here in Santa Clarita Valley and Los Angeles. It begins with people standing up and asking questions. The University of California, Los Angeles found that over 219,000 more pints of blood could be donated annually each year if this ban was changed to the one-year deferral process. The HIV virus is not only transmitted through men, but it is unbiased when in comes to gender so the policy is inaccurate. Researchers have proven that blood is tested thoroughly with modern day technology. With leading nations already using new methods for processing donors the United States can see it works. We must put ourselves in everyone’s shoes before judgment and stigmas are made on a group of people who are only trying to help humanity.

Maya Angelou: Finding My Voice

Maya Angelou is one of my most favorite people. She inspires with out speaking one word. She influences with a simple smile and touches my heart with every laugh. But when she does speak it is as though life stops for a moment because a teacher is teaching.

Actors Be Nice

First Time Cotton Candy

Modern Day Vampire

     Getting an interview with a real living vampire is difficult. Those that are apart of vampirism stay very secretive by nature keeping majority of the truths to themselves, but after constant rejection for a face-to-face meet one finally said yes. For the protection of his identity his name will be changed.

     The beginning of the interview was at sundown at Starbucks in Stevenson Ranch of Santa Clarita Valley. It was cold that evening and a light flickered to my left as the generators turned on. White noise of constant chatter surrounded the outdoor patio where we spoke, but he sat calmly with his legs crossed smoking a cigarette. Today is three days before Allhallows Eve and he looks no different from anyone else. His skin was ruffed with facial hair, average in height, attractive dark features, looking no older than early twenties, dressed in a checkered blue button down, converse, and bright blue contacts. His name is Eli, age 31, shares he was born in 1886, and says he is a vampire.

     Before I could even ask my first question he began it for me saying, “ You are probably wondering where my fangs, pale skin, and black cape are?” He laughed and giggled as he inhaled his cigarette slowly. Eli continued, “ Well my fangs only come out when I get excited and the pale skin was never a deciding factor on being a vampire.”

     Between the worlds of fact and fiction the truth of the modern day vampire has been covered by the myth that translated into American society. The association of blood sucking, fangs, stakes, coined phrase such as “walkers of the night,” and dark worn attire have been images that represented the vampires for centuries. He wanted to make clear that these depictions were not always accurate, and only because you think you know them from television, movies, and books doesn’t mean the public knows who they really are.

     As I got comfortable in my seat he began to explain how the mere look of a vampire as been rapt so much in fiction that the truth of their physical attributes are no longer valid. Eli smirked and took another drag of his cigarette looking at the passing people walk by. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, “ Not just anyone can be a vampire, but if there was one right next to you a person wouldn’t even know it.” I asked him to elaborate, “ Your next door neighbor with a Florida tan can be one, the old lady you see pass by you walking her dog can be one, your child can be one, because being a vampire is not depicted by such things.”

     There are several colleges that offer the literature and history of vampirism when I researched for this meeting. Some of these colleges are Texas Christian University, Aurora University, The University of Hertfordshire, and Harvard. Harvard University Extension School offers a course in vampire literature and film, while Hertfordshire offers a master’s degree in the study of vampire literature.

     I asked what he thought about these schools teaching the literature of vampirism and he smiled kindly but found it funny. He started to speak again,“ You can learn all you want about the history and folklore, like between a Sanguinarian and a Psi Vampire, but unless the teacher is a vampire the truth will never be fully told.  Nor will they tell you the whole truth.“ These two types of vampires are what most vampires classify themselves under. The commonality that can be used to broadly understand the vampire, Eli explains, is they are incapable of producing enough energy of their own, so the need to feed off of others is eminent. This energy can be taken from nature, people, or any other source of the living state.

     In the sacred texts of Buddhism and Hinduism there is a common belief system in the borrowing of energy between people. It talks about the sharing and giving back of energy does exist. Sometimes people just do not know they are doing it.

     As the minutes passed I could see Eli beginning to fidget. He continued even more quietly as he got closer to speak. His demeanor changed like a friend talking to a friend, “I want you to know that not just anyone can be one. It is either something you are born with, or acquired by from a vampire. Majority are kind in nature, and don’t like to share who they really are.”

     After a few moments of silence, Eli shares he is a vegetarian. “Not all Vampires feed on blood, “ he sips his soy latte, “I don’t eat meat, because I don’t like how the animals are treated in the food industry.” His life as a vampire is under the type of a psi vampire or physic vampire. These vampires are those that grab the energies around them for feeding as well as eating physical food like everyone else.

     Towards the end of the night, I wanted to know more about his personal life, and if a vampire could have a normal life. As I watched him laugh from my question he replied, “ Of course. I have a boyfriend, and we are very happy. I have extended an invitation and he is fine not being a vampire for now. I have a great job that I love, live with roommates, and do normal things like go to the beach.”

     Just like in the beginning when Eli sat down and gave me a witty comment, he decided this interview was not quite finished. His physicality became calm and collected once again. He told me that there is one more question that he knows I am dying to ask. I hesitated, because there was. He smiled, came close to my ear, and whispered, “ Don’t you want to know how to kill a vampire?” After researching that question so many times, I found myself only at dead ends. He got up, flicked his glowing bud on the floor, and left me with, “Well I’m sorry to tell you, but only a vampire will ever know the real answer to that one. “ The young man looking no older than 24 years old gave me one last smile, turned around, and walked away.

Curtain's Up!

Turning heads, making sounds

Turning directions that never ground

Here I am spinning round I found

Chasing Lovers that are never bound.

Wearing my socks with smells that hound

I walk in puzzles to hang around

Jagged but keen to everything renowned

How difficult it is to be a clown?

When no one sees you until you drown.

It’s all ok, as laughter turns your frown

Bottoms up kids, I’m upside down!

You smile, I grin, as you surround

But it’s to late for anything profound

Because the curtains are up forever mound

I’m in to deep to be unwound.

Do not astound!

You can always rebound;

There is plenty like me

Who in time will be crowned

Maybe sooner they redound,

But before, I will resound.

Nicilija Macklis

.......

Clouded faces, unraveled graces

enchanted tunnels of a ruined city

Guided by clustered lights fallen from heaven’s traces

Man proceeds on a distant excursion

Surrounded by emerald forests and blistering storms

Influenced by Renaissance and Medievalism of Florence eluding our memory

Travels promise family inquisition and mystical empowerment beyond belief

Blood baths and traps of hell seem wrenching

But selfish desires and abandonment of mentors and nurses

Bring forth the deadly fates into hearts

Leaving virtues of the left and right cheek

to be left with the forgotten Untermensch

The Savior is no more for those whose blood is wine

but the same fires scorned of greed are left

with fortune; left with nothing

Born to never die in banishment.

Central Europe

Nicilija Macklis

One More Smile

Driving never seemed so sweet

Passing stop signs and red cautioned tape,

But your smile is all I need

When my head spins round and round

Nothing but floating words graze my view

Persisting at every chance

Although never over baring;

Focused and kindled, but never crowded

All I need is a smile

Then the world turns upside down

Waking up, Laying down

Puts my heart at ease

As you let my mind wander,

Is this different?

It doesn’t matter

Cause all that is becomes simple

No need to press,

No need to rush

Just a kiss to fit the pieces.

Ever changing is this constant

Missing every test for good fortune

Just a Love that is noted with passion

Just a Love that is growing.

Distant from any unknowing banter

He spreads out his wings like armor

Pushing away any misleading hatred,

As my lips continuously stay in motion.

Questions begin to spring

Jumping and prancing as flowers in Spring Time

Calming it is with every answer you give

Sincerity is ever flowing;

Into kindness that surprises me

Into understanding you put me in ponder

Through an uncharted journey

That draws me upward,

Endlessly bringing freedom into possibilities.

Uncharted I repeat!

Uncharted I repent.

But without fear you carry my imperfections

Without greed you decide to still kiss me

Without judgment, you smile back;

And all I can be is with you

Who only needed mine in return.

So I say, So I am

A smile that will give

A smile that I need;

Because a smile is all I ever wanted.

Nicilija Macklis

Dating Vs. Relationships

     What would you rather have sitting at your dinner table? Someone who is good at dating or someone who is great in a relationship? Personally, I would rather have someone who is great in a relationship, but I guess the majority of us will never find that out. You know as well as I do that the majority of the time when a bad date comes along the phrase “Let’s Just be Friends” is usually stated shortly after. Which could also be code for, “Yea we are probably never going to see each other again, but it would be a little awkward if I just got up and left.”  I mean, that is what dating is for, right? To tell us how this connection might turn out in the future. Therefore we go on these “Dates” to see if that person across from us is a match, or even interesting enough to pass to the next stage.  And we all know that usually by the second date we know for sure if it is a dead end, or if there might be something special worth keeping. If not, then “Sayonara!” No hard feelings, because nothing really even started. But what if this formula is wrong.What if the whole time this person across from you was dead on perfect for you, but you denied the future meets because of technicalities. The imperfections of asking a question way to soon, or even the surpassing of getting a late night text from this person you barely know. I’ve been there. On both sides of the court, and when it came to saying the friend part I was just as blinded. I’m not saying to continue if there isn’t a spark, but rather give the person a chance if there is. 

     I know it is hard to believe, but dating is really a game. (That is why I usually suggest the phrasing of "hanging out" the first couple times so expectations do not get in the way of the meet.) You can be as honest as possible, but still you are going to have those annoying voices in the back of your mind telling you what not to say. And then the basic question list: Where are you from? What are some of your interests? Do you have family? Do you work? Do you go to school? Tell me about yourself? Of course these are all important, but think about it. We ask not only because we are interested, but also at some point we were told or somehow we were influenced to believe this is how it works. Someone told us to watch what we say on the first date, and what to leave till the third.  Have you ever thought maybe this MEMO wasn’t given to the person you’re meeting at this very moment?  Maybe they are just trying to figure it out all on their own. See, that is when I realized dating casualties should be spared. Especially when I understood that “Dates” are like auditions and relationships are equivalent to getting the role. As weird as it sounds it’s quite the same process. You are trying to make a great first impression while still giving enough so it is not fake or boring. Some people are good at auditions and others are not. That is why there are “Audition Technique Classes.” This still does not mean the actor is not good for the part, but either way the outcome of the situation is going to result in a Call Back or the classic humored response of “Thank you for coming in, don’t call us we’ll call you.”  Obviously, it is not always going to be said this way, but you get the picture.

     Now the “Gut Feeling” is another story. We all get the feeling of how the date is going. We even tend to get that special intuition before the meet happens, but emotions of excitement for the date and the regular day ritual usually clouds our judgments. I have often gone to the date thinking it was mostly nerves, but have learned by trial and error. I am also six-two and usually plan my first dates in public, so the odds of anything happening to me are very slim. (Crossing my Fingers) It can be very tricky to realize if it is nerves or a message sent from above, but that is why it is good to put yourself in a surrounding where you can see your exits at all times. I’M NOT KIDDING) I am not saying something is going to happen, but having those cards in your deck tend to make you relax a little bit more.

     When it comes down to it dating is different for everyone. Depending on your own interests and agenda, a date is an amazing thing. It could be a moment for you to just get out and meet someone new or it could be a special realization with a friend you have known for a long time. Coming from someone that has never been taught those rules, you can probably guess the position I have, but notwithstanding it is just a date.Both sides shouldn’t take it so seriously and should just be themselves without all the annoy habit of course. It is a time to find a connection and it is a time to learn a little bit more about one’s self. Never forget dating needs and has two people, so before wiping your hands clean from the person in front of you, put yourself in their shoes!


Ciao for now
Nico

Career Choices, Go Figure!

    This is the “Biggy” for most people. The career choices that we make to become a success in our own rights. Some are lucky enough to know what they want from the beginning. It is as though particular individuals walk out of the womb with tap shoes glued to their feet as they tap dance and shake their hips as the crowning of mothers are set in place. Some even become child prodigies at the age of 3 by their first piano lesson because the stars aligned just right for them to be able to touch a piano with their tiny little fingers. It is a phenomenon to me how these events come into play rather it was the intention of the parent or just a cosmic energy that was meant to be.  Non-the-less it is a choice in the end. The choice of rather deciding to stick with it or change for reasons only we know. Maybe a loss of interest happened or just another path became a little bit more important as life brought them to pivotal moments. Career choices or at least the ideas of what we should do happen to all of us, so we must never feel we are on our own in the whole situation.

     I was brought up with this question of, “What do you want to be?” since I could remember. There is nothing wrong with the question, but from what I have learned there are negatives and positives of the matter. I found myself as a child to be very shy, and rather I like it or not, this question became a burden. Yes, it did bring me to endless possibilities and brought me to the awareness that I should try everything I do with full passion, but I still cannot help to have admired the freedom of other children. The ability of play without the inner monologue of, “ Is this for Me? And maybe I should try everything all at once to make sure I make my deadline as an adult.” Children and people are all different. It is no fault of any parent or any mentor, because the outcome of how a person feels from being given this opportunity of ponder is different for everyone.  After doing my own soul searching I realized it was not a burden. It was my truth that prepared me for what came and it still is.

     What brought me to this topic in the first place is simple. I’m back in college going almost full time, while the majority of friends are graduating.  I am completely happy for each and every one of them, but it makes you wonder and question the path you decided for yourself. While the majority of my friends were in college, it seemed that life brought me into another direction. I remembered the day it happened. I was in my first year in college in 2005, where I was going more then full time, and I asked the man (or women what ever you believe) up stairs to do me a favor. I asked, “ Lord I know I am meant for more, I know I was put on this earth to help people at a global scale, so please bring it to me.” The ironic thing that happened after this seemed confusing, but in the end it worked out. In 2006, I was in a car accident that took me out of school for almost a year. After a battle to get back in, it brought me to an interesting crossroads. To either keep on fighting to satisfy the good intentions of the college or choose my own path. This is where the epiphany, of many, came to my acknowledgement. What I decided was to see school as training rather than a cirriculum. So from then on I took courses that would satisfy my craving rather than what met the accomplishment of a degree. Yes, I am paying for it now, but I am still happy I made that decision. It brought me into contact with the entertainment industry that allowed me to participate in every aspect. To me I had a moment of success that reached a satisfying level, but by no means am I done.

     I wish I would have more time to explain this a little bit further, but I know as much as anyone that your interest in “Little Old Me” is a click away from your Facebook browser. So if I don’t include words and phrases like “FUCK, BITCHES, and add a note about OPRAH leaving her show or a quote from the E! Network about Lindsay” then you will probably be leaving soon.There are you happy! Ok! Ok! I gave you a picture, but come on she is about to go into the Ugly Cry! That's better than a quote. Love you Oprah, Please Don't Hurt Me! 

      I’m just kidding, but I’m between classes so let me get to the point. We all have different paths, and we all have different ways of getting there. It doesn’t make a person any less justified or important, it is just supposed to be different for every one of us. If it had not been then we would all be the same person, and that would make this world a very boring place to live in. I am still on my journey as well as all of you are. In moments of fear look inside yourselves to find peace, and when that doesn’t work just know that this is not the end of you. Every one of us has a purpose rather it is easy or difficult to reach. Be strong, be confident, and know that you are worthy for whatever decision you make for yourself. For me I know I am not done yet, and I will find where I am supposed to be. So I wish all the success to all of you who are on your path rather it is defined or a little hazy. Just please be genuine and honest, because life never wanted us to be anything else. 

Ciao

Nico