Look what I found. Haha. My brother and I decided to play around with a basic 12 bar blues track a bit ago. I had a lot of fun coming up with the rest and working with Jonathan Guerra in his studio. It's called "Only Today." Happy Flash Back Friday.  Enjoy :p

Romance. Isn't Just for Women?

   In straight relationships the roles of romance are usually quite easy to figure out. Between women and men the woman will always get the heads up on the surprises, the gifts, the luxuries (if lucky), the Cinderella red carpet (if you have a gentleman), and above all else which wraps up everything with a rose red bow, the romance. But how do these roles align in a gay relationship. How does a gay couple know who should be romanced?

   My main argument will come later to really discuss gay men relationships, but first we have to understand the dynamics. Rather in a Lesbian, Transgender, Bisexual, or a full on man on man relationship the roles are usually explained in the beginning. Some people say there has to be one role that is more feminine than the other, so in every case the easy way to know who gets romanced is who has the most feminine characteristics. Who in the relationship shows and prefers to be more feminine.

     I would have to give the Transgender and Bisexual couples an upper hand. Of course not in every case, but for the most part these are easy in and easy out. No I am not referring to the sexual positions one may take in the relationship (you may day dream if you like), but usually the more manlier figure is going to be the man. In Bisexual relationships (referring to if a man is involved), especially if the man is not so manly (wink), the roles usually still go to the man. Yes the roles do flip on occasion, and yes I understand that this does not count for every set in the world. But they do tend to be what the observer sees.

    Now for Lesbians and Gays. (This term “gay” is usually set for gay men in particular. There are other names but they tend to lean to the more sexual persuasion. ;p) This is where it gets a little bit more difficult. In lesbian relationships and gay relationships we have either two men or two women. Depending if you are in open relationships or not, options may vary, but for this blog we will stick with the classic set of twos. If we find that each person in the relationship still show those different characteristics then we usually find the “Manlier” figure is the one romancing. But situations do still get confusing. That is why communication is key to the success of it.

     I still give an upper hand to women relationships as well because women tend to still go out of their way for each other rather one is expecting to be "The Romanced." With both still having a woman’s touch. Again "YES" relationships will vary depending where you are, what kind of people you engaged with, and what kind of values each of you hold, but women in my experience still understand the power of communication which in turn allow themselves to share roles.

     Well now we finally come to gay men relationships. They are difficult “Son of a Guns” aren’t they. I often hear the coined phrase that “Hollywood Relationships last longer than a Gay Relationship.” That “You’re lucky if you get to a 1 year anniversary.”  Even that “7 months in a gay relationship is like 3 or more years in gay years.” As we all know these are not true. I have heard of many relationships that have been together much longer with no infidelities and are still together. They are also very happy “Son of A Guns.” My boyfriend, in particular, would definitely stand strong on that notion, but I can’t help myself and believe that there is some truth in those ridiculous sayings.

      Last night I was battling between these views. My boyfriend is 6 years older than I, so maybe my idea is just based on my generation alone or maybe we have just been traveling in two very different circles. In which, his is surrounded by long lasting gay relationships and mine on singles trying or not caring to be in relationships. Rather which is more accurate we all know that any relationship is difficult. Some flow with more ease than others, but still challenges do apply.

     In gay relationships we have two men. As statistics show women do mature faster than men. That includes our minds. Now in Scientist America it does show that straight women and gay men have similar minds different of those of the heterosexual male orient. Scientists say, “In the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences USA that gay men and straight women share similar traits—most notably in the size of their brains and the activity of the amygdala.” But men are still men and sometimes the needs are not as obvious. In saying this, the roles in the relationship can get even more difficult.

     The rules of attraction are still seen here, because usually those with feminine traits end off with those men with more masculine traits. (Do not get offended by my use of titling by these two different categories, because I am simply using a method that we can all understand.) Romance on the other hand gets hazy. The overall idea is that women get romanced and men do the romancing. So what do we do when there are two men?

     Besides the fact of the rules of attraction, sometimes we find ourselves in equal balanced relationships. That means that both share feminine and masculine traits; preferring to share the roles and name themselves in a “Partnered Relationship.” Not labeling either as the man or woman. I agree with this concept because that is what I am in. I do prefer to be the one that romances, but what I have learned over the years is that men want to be romanced too.

    It doesn’t matter if you are in a heterosexual or gay relationship both need to be romanced. Both need to feel like they are wanted, loved, and appreciated. Maybe this means in different ways, but that is your job to figure out. I think this is where the misconception and difficulty comes from when it comes to gay relationships.

     Men you need to show your partner that you love them. If you are not one of those people that can be what the relationship requires (highlighting the commitment factor aka not cheating), then maybe you should be honest with yourself and your lover. Simply asking and not always assuming can make a big difference. Sometimes even asking again after a certain time has elapsed can make even a bigger difference. As honest as we try to be our walls will always be up in the beginning, so asking in a different way later on in the relationship can save it.

      And do us all a favor and stop using the man approach. It is not fair to use the “Well I am a Man” excuse. If you want to be single then be respectful of the other in the relationship and get out. If you want to be both then cover that with your partner up front, but it takes two to make a long lasting commitment. That will beat the odds in any embarkment, because a relationship is a relationship above all else. It takes time. It takes work. It takes trust, love, and honesty. But never forget it also takes romance.

     

Christmas Time w/o phone

Ok...I told you I would be posting another soon. lol.. I came on to post this "Christmas Time" thing and went off on a rant that had to be discussed anyway. I have been living w/o a phone for for the last 2 weeks, and at first it was 'HELL ON WHEELS,' but it slowly became a blessing. I am usually a guy that "GETS THE BIGGER PICTURE" but hey I am human and "SHIT HAPPENS." With my phone gone I was able to be more in the moment then I have ever been able to. Yes I do need a phone for my business, and honestly like everyone else, "I'M NOT SPECIAL." But during the Holidays it has been ok. I spent time with some of my great family friends ( Regina Lopez, Caroline, Brit, and Jessica) going Ice skating the other day, and yesterday saw a movie with someone who is and has always been special to me, why it didn't work out, no idea. ACTUALLY, I lied , I know exactly why it didn't, but it was out of my hands. lol....=) But sorry, that was not my point. You will discover as I write future blogs that i am very scatter brains, but usually it's for a good reason..lol..Right now I am listening to "IMOGEN HEAP"- 'First Train Home'. Her voice really calms me down, but anyway, SHIT, LOL,....."The Holidays" thats right, um...lets back track. ..lets see ..umm....thats right...

THE PHONE THING- with out my phone during this holiday , with the phone being gone, I think I enjoyed the moments with my great friends even more. I didn't have any annoying ringing, sounds of missed calls, STUPID- text messages of "WHAT AM I DOING RIGHT NOW"- when they know exactly where I am. lol...it was really nice. I didn't ask for any Christmas gifts, because that's not how i am, but that was a definite gift from God. Thanx. Now heading to get ready for the family 'EVENT OF THE YEAR" and what i mean by that is "MY AUNTS HOUSE, WHERE THE SOUNDS OF BABIES OF ALL AGES, COME TOGETHER'". LOL...haha I' m  telling the truth, but I STILL LUV IT.- Merry Christmas Eve.........!!!!@#$%^&*;)

HASTA

Nicilija

W/O A PHONE AND INTRO

I thought it would have been difficult and out of the ordinary being without a phone for the last week. Sounds strange, I know, but if you knew my life you would understand that "ME" without one- DOESN"T MAKE SENSE. I am part of the VVV Group as well as a company called "Bungalow 118". There will be a much further description later, but for now lets just talk a little about "VVV Group". The Leaders of the group are Jose Ledesma, Laura Lopez, Munee Duran, and Myself. We just did our first Charity event for the "Flower Child Foundation" for "Fashion with a Cause". It was  success in its own right. What I mean by that is it was a great hit in "PRESS" but not in Profits- for the Charity. You know things happen, they always do, and they always will. It depends on the person on which way they take it. Ya I could be crying about it, and believe me I did a little, =), but I was happy that the Charity and the "VVV Group" got exposure. And Did I tell you I did all this without a phone. lol. It's impressive how life decides to be FUNNY when "SHE or HE" decides to test you even when you don't feel like being tested. lol.. What can I say " All you can do is giggle inside, and say 'HEY WHAT THE FUCK,' then move on."

A short intro about myself. I live around Hollywood,  and my name is Nicholas Guerra (Nicilija). My acting name is "Nicolas Guerra", old friends call me "Nick," new friends call me "Nico, " and my writer's name is  "Nicilija". There is a long pressing story about how I created that name, because believe me it wasn't that easy. It took years, new experiences, and fazes to understand the strength behind this name. I promise I will talk about it later. I am a struggling actor,singer, model, Poet, as well as a few other things that I will explain in detail as we get to know each other. A short portion of the extra is , I am a gay male, whoop whoop,- "YES ANOTHER GAY BLOGGER", lol...but the interesting thing is I was planning on being a priest right before I graduated High School at "Alemany High School". I came out when I was 18yrs old in 2005, things didn't quite go as I wanted them to and ended up here. "In the Fashion and Entertainment Business. My whole goal for this "BLOGGING THING", is simply- I am going to write - THE TRUTH- the dirt, the needy greedy, the shit that probably other people would be to scared to talk about. Hey I have nothing else to loose, and I try to be as honest as I can in my life, so why not here with you. I am not going to have any format, sometimes my spelling could be wrong, and grammar will be a "HOOT", but honestly  "I DON'T GIVE A SHIT." lol. I'm going to talk about my philosophies, my life, my relationships sometimes, sometimes I will write in metaphor, most of the time I will tell it straight, I 'll talk about my business and the advice I can give to you from someone that is in the "HOT SPOT OF THE DAMN THING', and everything else in  between. But for now there it is, take it how you like, and I will be blogging about the next topic "VERY VERY SOON'. Have a great one. Hasta