Dominants Aren't Everything

        In today’s society, I would like to believe that our social locations such as gender, sexual orientation, economic class, and nationality would not put us in a different category of power. Sadly it still does. I am lucky for all the good and bad in my life in regards to my dominant and non dominant positions, because either way all these experiences have made me the strong individual that I am today. My dominating position of being a light complexioned latino with european features have in some ways made my life easier. On the other end, my non dominating positions of being a gay latin male who fluctuates in weight has burdened me in many ways as well.

Being a light complected latin male has helped me in this male european driven society because of my outer appearance. The mix of my Scottish blood and Mexican blood have physicalized me to fit into the Caucasian mold but also differently enough to be unique. Here we see being complaint and  the usage of empowerment at the same time. Weirdly, my mix of cultures have popped out an individual who looks conformed enough (complaint) to be acceptable and different enough to be wanted more in jobs than my other dark complexioned latin family. I have never accepted this discrimination, but it is something that does exist. I have brown eyes, very light complexioned skin, greek curls, a height of 6’2, and masculine features. We are living in a very superficial world, so without any help my genetics have placed me as one of the most desired and powerful positions of the Western Culture. 

When I modeled and acted for a living my look was very much wanted when my weight was at bay. My opportunities for runway shows, print jobs, and auditions for shows like The Vampire Diaries and Super Natural were fluid enough to keep me coming back. I am also a human who’s weight fluctuates like many people. This is not a good thing for the modeling world or acting world specifically when your “Type” is the Lead who is supposed be fit, tall, Caucasian, and masculine. I was always told that my weight had to always be in check. They never pushed how, but lets just say that the finger down the throat was seen often but never spoken about. My weight was always an issue for me, so when I was thin jobs came soaring in, but when my weight was out of control the jobs always slowed way down. The entertainment industry has always put this harsh and fake facade on the world. It pretends to equally represent the population through its diverse cast, but in truth it cages most people because it only represents about 1 percent of its audience. 

The majority of top shows are filled with starving models and actors who are the light complexioned versions of their own cultures. This is not diverse yet we all fall into the producers hands who are banking on our desire to be these fictional characters. Think about it. One major reason why they keep this facade is because they know that most people will never be these people. Shows on the CW pick actors who can be idolized, desired, those looks that can sell a product, and those actors that can be attached to other products like make up campaigns so executive producers have another avenue to make more money on the misrepresented audience. 

Another non dominating factor is my Mexican heritage. I have discussed my light complexioned skin as a positive in the Western European driven world, but in my own community it is sometimes frowned upon. I am very knowledgeable about my culture yet my inability to understand and speak the language places me at the bottom of the acceptance list. I have always been judged by my own community, have been told that I am ‘White Washed,” a gringo, and that I am not Mexican enough based on my skin complexion and english speaking mouth. When I was younger this hurt me all the time. I even went to lengths to teach my self Spanish, put my self in classes to learn Spanish, and have my own family test me at home everyday for months. The problem here is that there are so many versions of Spanish, so in the end I was still being tormented because my Spanish was not correct. These days I really don't care, because those ignorant people are always going to be out there, but this is definitely another non dominant in my own culture.

My last non dominant position is to me both a dominant and a non dominant. My sexual orientation has always either been fully accepted or hated depending on my positioning in Los Angeles and depending on who I spent my time with. When I lived in Santa Clarita (where the Caucasian culture is very dominant), I was very active in my Churches. I sang with them for about a year after I was with this church for about 3 years before that. For the longest time I felt like I needed to keep my sexual orientation quiet, because that is what I was taught in the Catholic religion and in my twelve years of experience going to a Catholic school. 

After working with the band for about a year I decided to relax a little and invite some band mates to the Abbey which is a gay restaurant and club in West Hollywood. Now let me scene set this for a second. As a performer on stage I would get letters and complements from many members saying they loved that I actually moved on stage. They loved that I was very personable off as well. I was being prepped to be a lead singer for this band, but after I invited the wrong people to West Hollywood my Music Director (an ignorant wannabe Christian woman) asked me to step down through an email. Never really gave any reason (even though I pushed to know why), but after that moment I never went to that Church again. I knew why. 

A year later I actually got together with another band mate who turned out to be a lesbian. She was best friends with this musical director. We sat and had coffee while she expressed to me that her best friend told her to step down because she was gay. At this time, I was young and still just coming out of the closet so I didn't fight. Luckily she stepped down a couple years later, and the Church (from what I heard) started having services focusing on the acceptance of the LGBTQ community. The is a very hard place to change because they are so wrapped up in the old and dated philosophies. Yes many basics like love your neighbor, the gold means, and golden rules all are great things to live by, but obviously some people decide for themselves when these teachings should be applied or not. 

There is always going to be ignorant people and depending on your geographical position we will see more or less of these stubborn and stuck in their ways kind of people.  These days I have been interviewing with different LBGTQ non profits and organizations. Many of them are ironically in West Hollywood where the freedom of sexual orientation is celebrated. In this area the non dominant position becomes the dominant, because the majority are either gay themselves or supporters of gay rights. I become the dominant position in my interviews, because these jobs are looking for people with experience with LGBTQ rights, individuality, and people who can relate to youth of today who may be gay or not. I become the dominant position because the people in power here are also part of non dominant positions. 

Dominating and non dominating positions are factored by the surrounding population. If the people in power believe that their gender or race is superior then they have a spoken or unspoken say in that matter. I say unspoken because many times today discriminations like racism, sexism, and discrimination against sexual orientation are not expressed out loud in business. If a business owner gave that information to the applicant then they could be sued. These days a lot of discrimination is unspoken because they are trying to save their own butts. 

Rather or not one is seen in the dominant or non dominant positions they still have the power to over come it all.They do not need to conform everything they are to meet standards that evolve everyday. My experience tells me that it doesn't matter what position society tries to fit you in. You get to decide that for yourself. It may be more difficult because of the ignorance of people in power, but by being the non dominant it makes you more aware of what is going on. In my life it has made me stronger. In my life it has taught me to have a wider observational set. In my life it has shown me that the dominant and non dominant of a culture will always change depending on the people in power. Since people in power are all different depending on the job you are trying to take there is no need to fear conformity. The fact is that more people of the non dominant positions are grabbing power, so allowing your individuality and uniqueness to be expressed is a smart thing to do. Just be yourself and everything will fall into place. 

Look what I found. Haha. My brother and I decided to play around with a basic 12 bar blues track a bit ago. I had a lot of fun coming up with the rest and working with Jonathan Guerra in his studio. It's called "Only Today." Happy Flash Back Friday.  Enjoy :p

I Hate Love VDay Video 2012

Thank you Garbage for including my baby Aric Sky and I's photo in your "I Hate Love" Valentine's Day Video 2012. You put such an amazing smile on my baby's face today which I oh all the world to. 

I hope you all have an amazing day. =)

Ciao

Romance. Isn't Just for Women?

   In straight relationships the roles of romance are usually quite easy to figure out. Between women and men the woman will always get the heads up on the surprises, the gifts, the luxuries (if lucky), the Cinderella red carpet (if you have a gentleman), and above all else which wraps up everything with a rose red bow, the romance. But how do these roles align in a gay relationship. How does a gay couple know who should be romanced?

   My main argument will come later to really discuss gay men relationships, but first we have to understand the dynamics. Rather in a Lesbian, Transgender, Bisexual, or a full on man on man relationship the roles are usually explained in the beginning. Some people say there has to be one role that is more feminine than the other, so in every case the easy way to know who gets romanced is who has the most feminine characteristics. Who in the relationship shows and prefers to be more feminine.

     I would have to give the Transgender and Bisexual couples an upper hand. Of course not in every case, but for the most part these are easy in and easy out. No I am not referring to the sexual positions one may take in the relationship (you may day dream if you like), but usually the more manlier figure is going to be the man. In Bisexual relationships (referring to if a man is involved), especially if the man is not so manly (wink), the roles usually still go to the man. Yes the roles do flip on occasion, and yes I understand that this does not count for every set in the world. But they do tend to be what the observer sees.

    Now for Lesbians and Gays. (This term “gay” is usually set for gay men in particular. There are other names but they tend to lean to the more sexual persuasion. ;p) This is where it gets a little bit more difficult. In lesbian relationships and gay relationships we have either two men or two women. Depending if you are in open relationships or not, options may vary, but for this blog we will stick with the classic set of twos. If we find that each person in the relationship still show those different characteristics then we usually find the “Manlier” figure is the one romancing. But situations do still get confusing. That is why communication is key to the success of it.

     I still give an upper hand to women relationships as well because women tend to still go out of their way for each other rather one is expecting to be "The Romanced." With both still having a woman’s touch. Again "YES" relationships will vary depending where you are, what kind of people you engaged with, and what kind of values each of you hold, but women in my experience still understand the power of communication which in turn allow themselves to share roles.

     Well now we finally come to gay men relationships. They are difficult “Son of a Guns” aren’t they. I often hear the coined phrase that “Hollywood Relationships last longer than a Gay Relationship.” That “You’re lucky if you get to a 1 year anniversary.”  Even that “7 months in a gay relationship is like 3 or more years in gay years.” As we all know these are not true. I have heard of many relationships that have been together much longer with no infidelities and are still together. They are also very happy “Son of A Guns.” My boyfriend, in particular, would definitely stand strong on that notion, but I can’t help myself and believe that there is some truth in those ridiculous sayings.

      Last night I was battling between these views. My boyfriend is 6 years older than I, so maybe my idea is just based on my generation alone or maybe we have just been traveling in two very different circles. In which, his is surrounded by long lasting gay relationships and mine on singles trying or not caring to be in relationships. Rather which is more accurate we all know that any relationship is difficult. Some flow with more ease than others, but still challenges do apply.

     In gay relationships we have two men. As statistics show women do mature faster than men. That includes our minds. Now in Scientist America it does show that straight women and gay men have similar minds different of those of the heterosexual male orient. Scientists say, “In the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences USA that gay men and straight women share similar traits—most notably in the size of their brains and the activity of the amygdala.” But men are still men and sometimes the needs are not as obvious. In saying this, the roles in the relationship can get even more difficult.

     The rules of attraction are still seen here, because usually those with feminine traits end off with those men with more masculine traits. (Do not get offended by my use of titling by these two different categories, because I am simply using a method that we can all understand.) Romance on the other hand gets hazy. The overall idea is that women get romanced and men do the romancing. So what do we do when there are two men?

     Besides the fact of the rules of attraction, sometimes we find ourselves in equal balanced relationships. That means that both share feminine and masculine traits; preferring to share the roles and name themselves in a “Partnered Relationship.” Not labeling either as the man or woman. I agree with this concept because that is what I am in. I do prefer to be the one that romances, but what I have learned over the years is that men want to be romanced too.

    It doesn’t matter if you are in a heterosexual or gay relationship both need to be romanced. Both need to feel like they are wanted, loved, and appreciated. Maybe this means in different ways, but that is your job to figure out. I think this is where the misconception and difficulty comes from when it comes to gay relationships.

     Men you need to show your partner that you love them. If you are not one of those people that can be what the relationship requires (highlighting the commitment factor aka not cheating), then maybe you should be honest with yourself and your lover. Simply asking and not always assuming can make a big difference. Sometimes even asking again after a certain time has elapsed can make even a bigger difference. As honest as we try to be our walls will always be up in the beginning, so asking in a different way later on in the relationship can save it.

      And do us all a favor and stop using the man approach. It is not fair to use the “Well I am a Man” excuse. If you want to be single then be respectful of the other in the relationship and get out. If you want to be both then cover that with your partner up front, but it takes two to make a long lasting commitment. That will beat the odds in any embarkment, because a relationship is a relationship above all else. It takes time. It takes work. It takes trust, love, and honesty. But never forget it also takes romance.

     

Stop The Hate

     When I was deciding what I should write in this blog I came to a wall. Something that many writers and artists come to once in a while. A block tends to linger for whatever the reason is. Some people say it is simply because our minds get tired. Others may agree that maybe inspiration just didn’t thrive them enough to express them selves. For me, it was because I had nothing to say.

     Then I turned on the TV. Began listening to friend’s stories that shared their recent events. I watched a clip on bullying, suicide, and listened to sorrow coming from places that should never be felt again. The hatred of those that prey on men, women, and children alike because of being Who They Are. This is a touchy subject for me, because I have been through the same hatred. Not because I was causing any form of dilemma for anyone, but simply because of being gay.

 I am older now and my situations dealing with ill minded people have mostly deceased, but hearing that this heartache still has to be experienced baffles me. Today should be so much different. It should be filled with more self-awareness and respect not hate. We are not in the stone ages of knowledge. We are in an Era where almost every truth of our history is recorded and is able to be seen right at our fingertips if we chose to search. And by this gift those that were once ignorant would be able to find solitude and remember that even their own people were in the line of prejudice. I would hope that in doing so they would come to realize that their injustice should never be repeated onto another, because that is not the way.

    We live in a melting pot of culture and religion. We are lucky enough to walk out our doors and speak with confidence, why choose to go back steps. History has proven that these attacks will be overturned because deep inside we all know that they are wrong. But you have to open your eyes now. Have to change the idea of love that some still hold as a truth.
     It doesn't matter if you are Christian, Muslim, Catholic, Islamic, Hindu, Atheist, or of any other affiliation you connect with, you do not have the right to attack someone because of who they choose to love. That is beyond the power of judgment. Especially ours.We are here to LOVE. As corny as that may sound to some. We are here to live, to love, and to find our way back to love if we get off track. I am not a preacher nor am I someone who claims to know everything, but I do know this. I have understood this since I was a little kid, and I know everyone of you knows this too.

    If you are reading this blog and come to find that you disagree with what I am saying then do me a favor. Remember. Go to your memories; go to when you were just a little kid, before anyone started to fill your mind with their knowledge and opinion. When the sound of your heart was stronger than that of only your mind. Did you judge with negativity? Did you try to make others feel inferior? Did you try to use hatred for things you didn’t comprehend? Or were you just curious of everything. Asking every question that your mind and heart could come up with. Trying just to be happy and share that happiness with others. With everyone. With full acceptance of who they are. With out a care from those who may just not understand.

                                           

                              What Changed? 

Turned Away For Being Gay!

     Blood drives through out the United States are not accepting blood donations from homosexual men sexually active with other men because of a policy passed by The Food and Drug Administration in 1983. In certain cases, donors who were not homosexual were turned away because the assumption was made that they were.

     Today, all blood donated is tested extensively for HIV, Hepatitis B, Hepatitis C, Syphilis, and other transmitted diseases before being released to any hospitals.

     The policy made by The Food and Drug Administration was created because of the AIDS outbreak in Los Angeles and the rest of the United States. During interviews for prospective donors a questionnaire is given deciding rather one is eligible to participate or not.

Picture of the FDA Questionnaire 1

The actual question added in 1983 (at left) to The Food and Drug Administration questionnaire asks, “Male Donors: From 1977 to present have you had sex, even once, with another male?” It leaves a bubble as well for female applicants to pass to the next question. “We certainly see this as a discriminatory issue,’’ said Nathan Schaefer, director of public policy for the GAY MEN’S HEALTH CRISIS. “It unfairly singles out gay men.” On the New York Times website published by Jacqueline Mroz an interviewee stated, “I work in a nonprofit sector, and it’s important for me to give back. You can’t participate in a work place event. I have to explain that my government thinks my blood is tainted.”

     Such places as the Red Cross do agree with gay activist in overturning the policy but still turn away male blood donors who bubble in that they do have sex with other men. According to the New York Times Bebe Anderson, H.I.V. Project Director for Lambda Legal said, “Turning away perfectly good donors gives an incorrect and harmful message. This is screening donors based on sexual orientation, not on risk. It also stigmatizes people who wish to donate.”

     In particular cases men have been turned away merely on the appearance of homosexuality when they have explained they are not. During a recent interview by Jerry Davich from the Chicago Sun-Times on July 15, 2011 a 22-year-old male was handled in this manner by Bio-Blood Components Inc. in Gary, Ind.  The young guy said, “ I was humiliated and embarrassed. It’s not right that homeless people can give blood but homosexuals can’t. And I’m not even homosexual.” Bio-Blood had no comment when Davich tried to contact them.

University of Texas
Photo by Jana Birchum

     Maybe someday the United States can follow in the footsteps like the United Kingdom who allow everyone to donate blood with a one-year deferral. It first starts with bringing this awareness to the forefront not just other parts of the United States but right here in Santa Clarita Valley and Los Angeles. It begins with people standing up and asking questions. The University of California, Los Angeles found that over 219,000 more pints of blood could be donated annually each year if this ban was changed to the one-year deferral process. The HIV virus is not only transmitted through men, but it is unbiased when in comes to gender so the policy is inaccurate. Researchers have proven that blood is tested thoroughly with modern day technology. With leading nations already using new methods for processing donors the United States can see it works. We must put ourselves in everyone’s shoes before judgment and stigmas are made on a group of people who are only trying to help humanity.

Modern Day Vampire

     Getting an interview with a real living vampire is difficult. Those that are apart of vampirism stay very secretive by nature keeping majority of the truths to themselves, but after constant rejection for a face-to-face meet one finally said yes. For the protection of his identity his name will be changed.

     The beginning of the interview was at sundown at Starbucks in Stevenson Ranch of Santa Clarita Valley. It was cold that evening and a light flickered to my left as the generators turned on. White noise of constant chatter surrounded the outdoor patio where we spoke, but he sat calmly with his legs crossed smoking a cigarette. Today is three days before Allhallows Eve and he looks no different from anyone else. His skin was ruffed with facial hair, average in height, attractive dark features, looking no older than early twenties, dressed in a checkered blue button down, converse, and bright blue contacts. His name is Eli, age 31, shares he was born in 1886, and says he is a vampire.

     Before I could even ask my first question he began it for me saying, “ You are probably wondering where my fangs, pale skin, and black cape are?” He laughed and giggled as he inhaled his cigarette slowly. Eli continued, “ Well my fangs only come out when I get excited and the pale skin was never a deciding factor on being a vampire.”

     Between the worlds of fact and fiction the truth of the modern day vampire has been covered by the myth that translated into American society. The association of blood sucking, fangs, stakes, coined phrase such as “walkers of the night,” and dark worn attire have been images that represented the vampires for centuries. He wanted to make clear that these depictions were not always accurate, and only because you think you know them from television, movies, and books doesn’t mean the public knows who they really are.

     As I got comfortable in my seat he began to explain how the mere look of a vampire as been rapt so much in fiction that the truth of their physical attributes are no longer valid. Eli smirked and took another drag of his cigarette looking at the passing people walk by. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, “ Not just anyone can be a vampire, but if there was one right next to you a person wouldn’t even know it.” I asked him to elaborate, “ Your next door neighbor with a Florida tan can be one, the old lady you see pass by you walking her dog can be one, your child can be one, because being a vampire is not depicted by such things.”

     There are several colleges that offer the literature and history of vampirism when I researched for this meeting. Some of these colleges are Texas Christian University, Aurora University, The University of Hertfordshire, and Harvard. Harvard University Extension School offers a course in vampire literature and film, while Hertfordshire offers a master’s degree in the study of vampire literature.

     I asked what he thought about these schools teaching the literature of vampirism and he smiled kindly but found it funny. He started to speak again,“ You can learn all you want about the history and folklore, like between a Sanguinarian and a Psi Vampire, but unless the teacher is a vampire the truth will never be fully told.  Nor will they tell you the whole truth.“ These two types of vampires are what most vampires classify themselves under. The commonality that can be used to broadly understand the vampire, Eli explains, is they are incapable of producing enough energy of their own, so the need to feed off of others is eminent. This energy can be taken from nature, people, or any other source of the living state.

     In the sacred texts of Buddhism and Hinduism there is a common belief system in the borrowing of energy between people. It talks about the sharing and giving back of energy does exist. Sometimes people just do not know they are doing it.

     As the minutes passed I could see Eli beginning to fidget. He continued even more quietly as he got closer to speak. His demeanor changed like a friend talking to a friend, “I want you to know that not just anyone can be one. It is either something you are born with, or acquired by from a vampire. Majority are kind in nature, and don’t like to share who they really are.”

     After a few moments of silence, Eli shares he is a vegetarian. “Not all Vampires feed on blood, “ he sips his soy latte, “I don’t eat meat, because I don’t like how the animals are treated in the food industry.” His life as a vampire is under the type of a psi vampire or physic vampire. These vampires are those that grab the energies around them for feeding as well as eating physical food like everyone else.

     Towards the end of the night, I wanted to know more about his personal life, and if a vampire could have a normal life. As I watched him laugh from my question he replied, “ Of course. I have a boyfriend, and we are very happy. I have extended an invitation and he is fine not being a vampire for now. I have a great job that I love, live with roommates, and do normal things like go to the beach.”

     Just like in the beginning when Eli sat down and gave me a witty comment, he decided this interview was not quite finished. His physicality became calm and collected once again. He told me that there is one more question that he knows I am dying to ask. I hesitated, because there was. He smiled, came close to my ear, and whispered, “ Don’t you want to know how to kill a vampire?” After researching that question so many times, I found myself only at dead ends. He got up, flicked his glowing bud on the floor, and left me with, “Well I’m sorry to tell you, but only a vampire will ever know the real answer to that one. “ The young man looking no older than 24 years old gave me one last smile, turned around, and walked away.

Curtain's Up!

Turning heads, making sounds

Turning directions that never ground

Here I am spinning round I found

Chasing Lovers that are never bound.

Wearing my socks with smells that hound

I walk in puzzles to hang around

Jagged but keen to everything renowned

How difficult it is to be a clown?

When no one sees you until you drown.

It’s all ok, as laughter turns your frown

Bottoms up kids, I’m upside down!

You smile, I grin, as you surround

But it’s to late for anything profound

Because the curtains are up forever mound

I’m in to deep to be unwound.

Do not astound!

You can always rebound;

There is plenty like me

Who in time will be crowned

Maybe sooner they redound,

But before, I will resound.

Nicilija Macklis

.......

Clouded faces, unraveled graces

enchanted tunnels of a ruined city

Guided by clustered lights fallen from heaven’s traces

Man proceeds on a distant excursion

Surrounded by emerald forests and blistering storms

Influenced by Renaissance and Medievalism of Florence eluding our memory

Travels promise family inquisition and mystical empowerment beyond belief

Blood baths and traps of hell seem wrenching

But selfish desires and abandonment of mentors and nurses

Bring forth the deadly fates into hearts

Leaving virtues of the left and right cheek

to be left with the forgotten Untermensch

The Savior is no more for those whose blood is wine

but the same fires scorned of greed are left

with fortune; left with nothing

Born to never die in banishment.

Central Europe

Nicilija Macklis

One More Smile

Driving never seemed so sweet

Passing stop signs and red cautioned tape,

But your smile is all I need

When my head spins round and round

Nothing but floating words graze my view

Persisting at every chance

Although never over baring;

Focused and kindled, but never crowded

All I need is a smile

Then the world turns upside down

Waking up, Laying down

Puts my heart at ease

As you let my mind wander,

Is this different?

It doesn’t matter

Cause all that is becomes simple

No need to press,

No need to rush

Just a kiss to fit the pieces.

Ever changing is this constant

Missing every test for good fortune

Just a Love that is noted with passion

Just a Love that is growing.

Distant from any unknowing banter

He spreads out his wings like armor

Pushing away any misleading hatred,

As my lips continuously stay in motion.

Questions begin to spring

Jumping and prancing as flowers in Spring Time

Calming it is with every answer you give

Sincerity is ever flowing;

Into kindness that surprises me

Into understanding you put me in ponder

Through an uncharted journey

That draws me upward,

Endlessly bringing freedom into possibilities.

Uncharted I repeat!

Uncharted I repent.

But without fear you carry my imperfections

Without greed you decide to still kiss me

Without judgment, you smile back;

And all I can be is with you

Who only needed mine in return.

So I say, So I am

A smile that will give

A smile that I need;

Because a smile is all I ever wanted.

Nicilija Macklis

Dating Vs. Relationships

     What would you rather have sitting at your dinner table? Someone who is good at dating or someone who is great in a relationship? Personally, I would rather have someone who is great in a relationship, but I guess the majority of us will never find that out. You know as well as I do that the majority of the time when a bad date comes along the phrase “Let’s Just be Friends” is usually stated shortly after. Which could also be code for, “Yea we are probably never going to see each other again, but it would be a little awkward if I just got up and left.”  I mean, that is what dating is for, right? To tell us how this connection might turn out in the future. Therefore we go on these “Dates” to see if that person across from us is a match, or even interesting enough to pass to the next stage.  And we all know that usually by the second date we know for sure if it is a dead end, or if there might be something special worth keeping. If not, then “Sayonara!” No hard feelings, because nothing really even started. But what if this formula is wrong.What if the whole time this person across from you was dead on perfect for you, but you denied the future meets because of technicalities. The imperfections of asking a question way to soon, or even the surpassing of getting a late night text from this person you barely know. I’ve been there. On both sides of the court, and when it came to saying the friend part I was just as blinded. I’m not saying to continue if there isn’t a spark, but rather give the person a chance if there is. 

     I know it is hard to believe, but dating is really a game. (That is why I usually suggest the phrasing of "hanging out" the first couple times so expectations do not get in the way of the meet.) You can be as honest as possible, but still you are going to have those annoying voices in the back of your mind telling you what not to say. And then the basic question list: Where are you from? What are some of your interests? Do you have family? Do you work? Do you go to school? Tell me about yourself? Of course these are all important, but think about it. We ask not only because we are interested, but also at some point we were told or somehow we were influenced to believe this is how it works. Someone told us to watch what we say on the first date, and what to leave till the third.  Have you ever thought maybe this MEMO wasn’t given to the person you’re meeting at this very moment?  Maybe they are just trying to figure it out all on their own. See, that is when I realized dating casualties should be spared. Especially when I understood that “Dates” are like auditions and relationships are equivalent to getting the role. As weird as it sounds it’s quite the same process. You are trying to make a great first impression while still giving enough so it is not fake or boring. Some people are good at auditions and others are not. That is why there are “Audition Technique Classes.” This still does not mean the actor is not good for the part, but either way the outcome of the situation is going to result in a Call Back or the classic humored response of “Thank you for coming in, don’t call us we’ll call you.”  Obviously, it is not always going to be said this way, but you get the picture.

     Now the “Gut Feeling” is another story. We all get the feeling of how the date is going. We even tend to get that special intuition before the meet happens, but emotions of excitement for the date and the regular day ritual usually clouds our judgments. I have often gone to the date thinking it was mostly nerves, but have learned by trial and error. I am also six-two and usually plan my first dates in public, so the odds of anything happening to me are very slim. (Crossing my Fingers) It can be very tricky to realize if it is nerves or a message sent from above, but that is why it is good to put yourself in a surrounding where you can see your exits at all times. I’M NOT KIDDING) I am not saying something is going to happen, but having those cards in your deck tend to make you relax a little bit more.

     When it comes down to it dating is different for everyone. Depending on your own interests and agenda, a date is an amazing thing. It could be a moment for you to just get out and meet someone new or it could be a special realization with a friend you have known for a long time. Coming from someone that has never been taught those rules, you can probably guess the position I have, but notwithstanding it is just a date.Both sides shouldn’t take it so seriously and should just be themselves without all the annoy habit of course. It is a time to find a connection and it is a time to learn a little bit more about one’s self. Never forget dating needs and has two people, so before wiping your hands clean from the person in front of you, put yourself in their shoes!


Ciao for now
Nico