Look what I found. Haha. My brother and I decided to play around with a basic 12 bar blues track a bit ago. I had a lot of fun coming up with the rest and working with Jonathan Guerra in his studio. It's called "Only Today." Happy Flash Back Friday.  Enjoy :p

Romance. Isn't Just for Women?

   In straight relationships the roles of romance are usually quite easy to figure out. Between women and men the woman will always get the heads up on the surprises, the gifts, the luxuries (if lucky), the Cinderella red carpet (if you have a gentleman), and above all else which wraps up everything with a rose red bow, the romance. But how do these roles align in a gay relationship. How does a gay couple know who should be romanced?

   My main argument will come later to really discuss gay men relationships, but first we have to understand the dynamics. Rather in a Lesbian, Transgender, Bisexual, or a full on man on man relationship the roles are usually explained in the beginning. Some people say there has to be one role that is more feminine than the other, so in every case the easy way to know who gets romanced is who has the most feminine characteristics. Who in the relationship shows and prefers to be more feminine.

     I would have to give the Transgender and Bisexual couples an upper hand. Of course not in every case, but for the most part these are easy in and easy out. No I am not referring to the sexual positions one may take in the relationship (you may day dream if you like), but usually the more manlier figure is going to be the man. In Bisexual relationships (referring to if a man is involved), especially if the man is not so manly (wink), the roles usually still go to the man. Yes the roles do flip on occasion, and yes I understand that this does not count for every set in the world. But they do tend to be what the observer sees.

    Now for Lesbians and Gays. (This term “gay” is usually set for gay men in particular. There are other names but they tend to lean to the more sexual persuasion. ;p) This is where it gets a little bit more difficult. In lesbian relationships and gay relationships we have either two men or two women. Depending if you are in open relationships or not, options may vary, but for this blog we will stick with the classic set of twos. If we find that each person in the relationship still show those different characteristics then we usually find the “Manlier” figure is the one romancing. But situations do still get confusing. That is why communication is key to the success of it.

     I still give an upper hand to women relationships as well because women tend to still go out of their way for each other rather one is expecting to be "The Romanced." With both still having a woman’s touch. Again "YES" relationships will vary depending where you are, what kind of people you engaged with, and what kind of values each of you hold, but women in my experience still understand the power of communication which in turn allow themselves to share roles.

     Well now we finally come to gay men relationships. They are difficult “Son of a Guns” aren’t they. I often hear the coined phrase that “Hollywood Relationships last longer than a Gay Relationship.” That “You’re lucky if you get to a 1 year anniversary.”  Even that “7 months in a gay relationship is like 3 or more years in gay years.” As we all know these are not true. I have heard of many relationships that have been together much longer with no infidelities and are still together. They are also very happy “Son of A Guns.” My boyfriend, in particular, would definitely stand strong on that notion, but I can’t help myself and believe that there is some truth in those ridiculous sayings.

      Last night I was battling between these views. My boyfriend is 6 years older than I, so maybe my idea is just based on my generation alone or maybe we have just been traveling in two very different circles. In which, his is surrounded by long lasting gay relationships and mine on singles trying or not caring to be in relationships. Rather which is more accurate we all know that any relationship is difficult. Some flow with more ease than others, but still challenges do apply.

     In gay relationships we have two men. As statistics show women do mature faster than men. That includes our minds. Now in Scientist America it does show that straight women and gay men have similar minds different of those of the heterosexual male orient. Scientists say, “In the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences USA that gay men and straight women share similar traits—most notably in the size of their brains and the activity of the amygdala.” But men are still men and sometimes the needs are not as obvious. In saying this, the roles in the relationship can get even more difficult.

     The rules of attraction are still seen here, because usually those with feminine traits end off with those men with more masculine traits. (Do not get offended by my use of titling by these two different categories, because I am simply using a method that we can all understand.) Romance on the other hand gets hazy. The overall idea is that women get romanced and men do the romancing. So what do we do when there are two men?

     Besides the fact of the rules of attraction, sometimes we find ourselves in equal balanced relationships. That means that both share feminine and masculine traits; preferring to share the roles and name themselves in a “Partnered Relationship.” Not labeling either as the man or woman. I agree with this concept because that is what I am in. I do prefer to be the one that romances, but what I have learned over the years is that men want to be romanced too.

    It doesn’t matter if you are in a heterosexual or gay relationship both need to be romanced. Both need to feel like they are wanted, loved, and appreciated. Maybe this means in different ways, but that is your job to figure out. I think this is where the misconception and difficulty comes from when it comes to gay relationships.

     Men you need to show your partner that you love them. If you are not one of those people that can be what the relationship requires (highlighting the commitment factor aka not cheating), then maybe you should be honest with yourself and your lover. Simply asking and not always assuming can make a big difference. Sometimes even asking again after a certain time has elapsed can make even a bigger difference. As honest as we try to be our walls will always be up in the beginning, so asking in a different way later on in the relationship can save it.

      And do us all a favor and stop using the man approach. It is not fair to use the “Well I am a Man” excuse. If you want to be single then be respectful of the other in the relationship and get out. If you want to be both then cover that with your partner up front, but it takes two to make a long lasting commitment. That will beat the odds in any embarkment, because a relationship is a relationship above all else. It takes time. It takes work. It takes trust, love, and honesty. But never forget it also takes romance.

     

Stop The Hate

     When I was deciding what I should write in this blog I came to a wall. Something that many writers and artists come to once in a while. A block tends to linger for whatever the reason is. Some people say it is simply because our minds get tired. Others may agree that maybe inspiration just didn’t thrive them enough to express them selves. For me, it was because I had nothing to say.

     Then I turned on the TV. Began listening to friend’s stories that shared their recent events. I watched a clip on bullying, suicide, and listened to sorrow coming from places that should never be felt again. The hatred of those that prey on men, women, and children alike because of being Who They Are. This is a touchy subject for me, because I have been through the same hatred. Not because I was causing any form of dilemma for anyone, but simply because of being gay.

 I am older now and my situations dealing with ill minded people have mostly deceased, but hearing that this heartache still has to be experienced baffles me. Today should be so much different. It should be filled with more self-awareness and respect not hate. We are not in the stone ages of knowledge. We are in an Era where almost every truth of our history is recorded and is able to be seen right at our fingertips if we chose to search. And by this gift those that were once ignorant would be able to find solitude and remember that even their own people were in the line of prejudice. I would hope that in doing so they would come to realize that their injustice should never be repeated onto another, because that is not the way.

    We live in a melting pot of culture and religion. We are lucky enough to walk out our doors and speak with confidence, why choose to go back steps. History has proven that these attacks will be overturned because deep inside we all know that they are wrong. But you have to open your eyes now. Have to change the idea of love that some still hold as a truth.
     It doesn't matter if you are Christian, Muslim, Catholic, Islamic, Hindu, Atheist, or of any other affiliation you connect with, you do not have the right to attack someone because of who they choose to love. That is beyond the power of judgment. Especially ours.We are here to LOVE. As corny as that may sound to some. We are here to live, to love, and to find our way back to love if we get off track. I am not a preacher nor am I someone who claims to know everything, but I do know this. I have understood this since I was a little kid, and I know everyone of you knows this too.

    If you are reading this blog and come to find that you disagree with what I am saying then do me a favor. Remember. Go to your memories; go to when you were just a little kid, before anyone started to fill your mind with their knowledge and opinion. When the sound of your heart was stronger than that of only your mind. Did you judge with negativity? Did you try to make others feel inferior? Did you try to use hatred for things you didn’t comprehend? Or were you just curious of everything. Asking every question that your mind and heart could come up with. Trying just to be happy and share that happiness with others. With everyone. With full acceptance of who they are. With out a care from those who may just not understand.

                                           

                              What Changed? 

Modern Day Vampire

     Getting an interview with a real living vampire is difficult. Those that are apart of vampirism stay very secretive by nature keeping majority of the truths to themselves, but after constant rejection for a face-to-face meet one finally said yes. For the protection of his identity his name will be changed.

     The beginning of the interview was at sundown at Starbucks in Stevenson Ranch of Santa Clarita Valley. It was cold that evening and a light flickered to my left as the generators turned on. White noise of constant chatter surrounded the outdoor patio where we spoke, but he sat calmly with his legs crossed smoking a cigarette. Today is three days before Allhallows Eve and he looks no different from anyone else. His skin was ruffed with facial hair, average in height, attractive dark features, looking no older than early twenties, dressed in a checkered blue button down, converse, and bright blue contacts. His name is Eli, age 31, shares he was born in 1886, and says he is a vampire.

     Before I could even ask my first question he began it for me saying, “ You are probably wondering where my fangs, pale skin, and black cape are?” He laughed and giggled as he inhaled his cigarette slowly. Eli continued, “ Well my fangs only come out when I get excited and the pale skin was never a deciding factor on being a vampire.”

     Between the worlds of fact and fiction the truth of the modern day vampire has been covered by the myth that translated into American society. The association of blood sucking, fangs, stakes, coined phrase such as “walkers of the night,” and dark worn attire have been images that represented the vampires for centuries. He wanted to make clear that these depictions were not always accurate, and only because you think you know them from television, movies, and books doesn’t mean the public knows who they really are.

     As I got comfortable in my seat he began to explain how the mere look of a vampire as been rapt so much in fiction that the truth of their physical attributes are no longer valid. Eli smirked and took another drag of his cigarette looking at the passing people walk by. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, “ Not just anyone can be a vampire, but if there was one right next to you a person wouldn’t even know it.” I asked him to elaborate, “ Your next door neighbor with a Florida tan can be one, the old lady you see pass by you walking her dog can be one, your child can be one, because being a vampire is not depicted by such things.”

     There are several colleges that offer the literature and history of vampirism when I researched for this meeting. Some of these colleges are Texas Christian University, Aurora University, The University of Hertfordshire, and Harvard. Harvard University Extension School offers a course in vampire literature and film, while Hertfordshire offers a master’s degree in the study of vampire literature.

     I asked what he thought about these schools teaching the literature of vampirism and he smiled kindly but found it funny. He started to speak again,“ You can learn all you want about the history and folklore, like between a Sanguinarian and a Psi Vampire, but unless the teacher is a vampire the truth will never be fully told.  Nor will they tell you the whole truth.“ These two types of vampires are what most vampires classify themselves under. The commonality that can be used to broadly understand the vampire, Eli explains, is they are incapable of producing enough energy of their own, so the need to feed off of others is eminent. This energy can be taken from nature, people, or any other source of the living state.

     In the sacred texts of Buddhism and Hinduism there is a common belief system in the borrowing of energy between people. It talks about the sharing and giving back of energy does exist. Sometimes people just do not know they are doing it.

     As the minutes passed I could see Eli beginning to fidget. He continued even more quietly as he got closer to speak. His demeanor changed like a friend talking to a friend, “I want you to know that not just anyone can be one. It is either something you are born with, or acquired by from a vampire. Majority are kind in nature, and don’t like to share who they really are.”

     After a few moments of silence, Eli shares he is a vegetarian. “Not all Vampires feed on blood, “ he sips his soy latte, “I don’t eat meat, because I don’t like how the animals are treated in the food industry.” His life as a vampire is under the type of a psi vampire or physic vampire. These vampires are those that grab the energies around them for feeding as well as eating physical food like everyone else.

     Towards the end of the night, I wanted to know more about his personal life, and if a vampire could have a normal life. As I watched him laugh from my question he replied, “ Of course. I have a boyfriend, and we are very happy. I have extended an invitation and he is fine not being a vampire for now. I have a great job that I love, live with roommates, and do normal things like go to the beach.”

     Just like in the beginning when Eli sat down and gave me a witty comment, he decided this interview was not quite finished. His physicality became calm and collected once again. He told me that there is one more question that he knows I am dying to ask. I hesitated, because there was. He smiled, came close to my ear, and whispered, “ Don’t you want to know how to kill a vampire?” After researching that question so many times, I found myself only at dead ends. He got up, flicked his glowing bud on the floor, and left me with, “Well I’m sorry to tell you, but only a vampire will ever know the real answer to that one. “ The young man looking no older than 24 years old gave me one last smile, turned around, and walked away.