I Hate Love VDay Video 2012

Thank you Garbage for including my baby Aric Sky and I's photo in your "I Hate Love" Valentine's Day Video 2012. You put such an amazing smile on my baby's face today which I oh all the world to. 

I hope you all have an amazing day. =)

Ciao

Romance. Isn't Just for Women?

   In straight relationships the roles of romance are usually quite easy to figure out. Between women and men the woman will always get the heads up on the surprises, the gifts, the luxuries (if lucky), the Cinderella red carpet (if you have a gentleman), and above all else which wraps up everything with a rose red bow, the romance. But how do these roles align in a gay relationship. How does a gay couple know who should be romanced?

   My main argument will come later to really discuss gay men relationships, but first we have to understand the dynamics. Rather in a Lesbian, Transgender, Bisexual, or a full on man on man relationship the roles are usually explained in the beginning. Some people say there has to be one role that is more feminine than the other, so in every case the easy way to know who gets romanced is who has the most feminine characteristics. Who in the relationship shows and prefers to be more feminine.

     I would have to give the Transgender and Bisexual couples an upper hand. Of course not in every case, but for the most part these are easy in and easy out. No I am not referring to the sexual positions one may take in the relationship (you may day dream if you like), but usually the more manlier figure is going to be the man. In Bisexual relationships (referring to if a man is involved), especially if the man is not so manly (wink), the roles usually still go to the man. Yes the roles do flip on occasion, and yes I understand that this does not count for every set in the world. But they do tend to be what the observer sees.

    Now for Lesbians and Gays. (This term “gay” is usually set for gay men in particular. There are other names but they tend to lean to the more sexual persuasion. ;p) This is where it gets a little bit more difficult. In lesbian relationships and gay relationships we have either two men or two women. Depending if you are in open relationships or not, options may vary, but for this blog we will stick with the classic set of twos. If we find that each person in the relationship still show those different characteristics then we usually find the “Manlier” figure is the one romancing. But situations do still get confusing. That is why communication is key to the success of it.

     I still give an upper hand to women relationships as well because women tend to still go out of their way for each other rather one is expecting to be "The Romanced." With both still having a woman’s touch. Again "YES" relationships will vary depending where you are, what kind of people you engaged with, and what kind of values each of you hold, but women in my experience still understand the power of communication which in turn allow themselves to share roles.

     Well now we finally come to gay men relationships. They are difficult “Son of a Guns” aren’t they. I often hear the coined phrase that “Hollywood Relationships last longer than a Gay Relationship.” That “You’re lucky if you get to a 1 year anniversary.”  Even that “7 months in a gay relationship is like 3 or more years in gay years.” As we all know these are not true. I have heard of many relationships that have been together much longer with no infidelities and are still together. They are also very happy “Son of A Guns.” My boyfriend, in particular, would definitely stand strong on that notion, but I can’t help myself and believe that there is some truth in those ridiculous sayings.

      Last night I was battling between these views. My boyfriend is 6 years older than I, so maybe my idea is just based on my generation alone or maybe we have just been traveling in two very different circles. In which, his is surrounded by long lasting gay relationships and mine on singles trying or not caring to be in relationships. Rather which is more accurate we all know that any relationship is difficult. Some flow with more ease than others, but still challenges do apply.

     In gay relationships we have two men. As statistics show women do mature faster than men. That includes our minds. Now in Scientist America it does show that straight women and gay men have similar minds different of those of the heterosexual male orient. Scientists say, “In the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences USA that gay men and straight women share similar traits—most notably in the size of their brains and the activity of the amygdala.” But men are still men and sometimes the needs are not as obvious. In saying this, the roles in the relationship can get even more difficult.

     The rules of attraction are still seen here, because usually those with feminine traits end off with those men with more masculine traits. (Do not get offended by my use of titling by these two different categories, because I am simply using a method that we can all understand.) Romance on the other hand gets hazy. The overall idea is that women get romanced and men do the romancing. So what do we do when there are two men?

     Besides the fact of the rules of attraction, sometimes we find ourselves in equal balanced relationships. That means that both share feminine and masculine traits; preferring to share the roles and name themselves in a “Partnered Relationship.” Not labeling either as the man or woman. I agree with this concept because that is what I am in. I do prefer to be the one that romances, but what I have learned over the years is that men want to be romanced too.

    It doesn’t matter if you are in a heterosexual or gay relationship both need to be romanced. Both need to feel like they are wanted, loved, and appreciated. Maybe this means in different ways, but that is your job to figure out. I think this is where the misconception and difficulty comes from when it comes to gay relationships.

     Men you need to show your partner that you love them. If you are not one of those people that can be what the relationship requires (highlighting the commitment factor aka not cheating), then maybe you should be honest with yourself and your lover. Simply asking and not always assuming can make a big difference. Sometimes even asking again after a certain time has elapsed can make even a bigger difference. As honest as we try to be our walls will always be up in the beginning, so asking in a different way later on in the relationship can save it.

      And do us all a favor and stop using the man approach. It is not fair to use the “Well I am a Man” excuse. If you want to be single then be respectful of the other in the relationship and get out. If you want to be both then cover that with your partner up front, but it takes two to make a long lasting commitment. That will beat the odds in any embarkment, because a relationship is a relationship above all else. It takes time. It takes work. It takes trust, love, and honesty. But never forget it also takes romance.

     

Stop The Hate

     When I was deciding what I should write in this blog I came to a wall. Something that many writers and artists come to once in a while. A block tends to linger for whatever the reason is. Some people say it is simply because our minds get tired. Others may agree that maybe inspiration just didn’t thrive them enough to express them selves. For me, it was because I had nothing to say.

     Then I turned on the TV. Began listening to friend’s stories that shared their recent events. I watched a clip on bullying, suicide, and listened to sorrow coming from places that should never be felt again. The hatred of those that prey on men, women, and children alike because of being Who They Are. This is a touchy subject for me, because I have been through the same hatred. Not because I was causing any form of dilemma for anyone, but simply because of being gay.

 I am older now and my situations dealing with ill minded people have mostly deceased, but hearing that this heartache still has to be experienced baffles me. Today should be so much different. It should be filled with more self-awareness and respect not hate. We are not in the stone ages of knowledge. We are in an Era where almost every truth of our history is recorded and is able to be seen right at our fingertips if we chose to search. And by this gift those that were once ignorant would be able to find solitude and remember that even their own people were in the line of prejudice. I would hope that in doing so they would come to realize that their injustice should never be repeated onto another, because that is not the way.

    We live in a melting pot of culture and religion. We are lucky enough to walk out our doors and speak with confidence, why choose to go back steps. History has proven that these attacks will be overturned because deep inside we all know that they are wrong. But you have to open your eyes now. Have to change the idea of love that some still hold as a truth.
     It doesn't matter if you are Christian, Muslim, Catholic, Islamic, Hindu, Atheist, or of any other affiliation you connect with, you do not have the right to attack someone because of who they choose to love. That is beyond the power of judgment. Especially ours.We are here to LOVE. As corny as that may sound to some. We are here to live, to love, and to find our way back to love if we get off track. I am not a preacher nor am I someone who claims to know everything, but I do know this. I have understood this since I was a little kid, and I know everyone of you knows this too.

    If you are reading this blog and come to find that you disagree with what I am saying then do me a favor. Remember. Go to your memories; go to when you were just a little kid, before anyone started to fill your mind with their knowledge and opinion. When the sound of your heart was stronger than that of only your mind. Did you judge with negativity? Did you try to make others feel inferior? Did you try to use hatred for things you didn’t comprehend? Or were you just curious of everything. Asking every question that your mind and heart could come up with. Trying just to be happy and share that happiness with others. With everyone. With full acceptance of who they are. With out a care from those who may just not understand.

                                           

                              What Changed? 

Turned Away For Being Gay!

     Blood drives through out the United States are not accepting blood donations from homosexual men sexually active with other men because of a policy passed by The Food and Drug Administration in 1983. In certain cases, donors who were not homosexual were turned away because the assumption was made that they were.

     Today, all blood donated is tested extensively for HIV, Hepatitis B, Hepatitis C, Syphilis, and other transmitted diseases before being released to any hospitals.

     The policy made by The Food and Drug Administration was created because of the AIDS outbreak in Los Angeles and the rest of the United States. During interviews for prospective donors a questionnaire is given deciding rather one is eligible to participate or not.

Picture of the FDA Questionnaire 1

The actual question added in 1983 (at left) to The Food and Drug Administration questionnaire asks, “Male Donors: From 1977 to present have you had sex, even once, with another male?” It leaves a bubble as well for female applicants to pass to the next question. “We certainly see this as a discriminatory issue,’’ said Nathan Schaefer, director of public policy for the GAY MEN’S HEALTH CRISIS. “It unfairly singles out gay men.” On the New York Times website published by Jacqueline Mroz an interviewee stated, “I work in a nonprofit sector, and it’s important for me to give back. You can’t participate in a work place event. I have to explain that my government thinks my blood is tainted.”

     Such places as the Red Cross do agree with gay activist in overturning the policy but still turn away male blood donors who bubble in that they do have sex with other men. According to the New York Times Bebe Anderson, H.I.V. Project Director for Lambda Legal said, “Turning away perfectly good donors gives an incorrect and harmful message. This is screening donors based on sexual orientation, not on risk. It also stigmatizes people who wish to donate.”

     In particular cases men have been turned away merely on the appearance of homosexuality when they have explained they are not. During a recent interview by Jerry Davich from the Chicago Sun-Times on July 15, 2011 a 22-year-old male was handled in this manner by Bio-Blood Components Inc. in Gary, Ind.  The young guy said, “ I was humiliated and embarrassed. It’s not right that homeless people can give blood but homosexuals can’t. And I’m not even homosexual.” Bio-Blood had no comment when Davich tried to contact them.

University of Texas
Photo by Jana Birchum

     Maybe someday the United States can follow in the footsteps like the United Kingdom who allow everyone to donate blood with a one-year deferral. It first starts with bringing this awareness to the forefront not just other parts of the United States but right here in Santa Clarita Valley and Los Angeles. It begins with people standing up and asking questions. The University of California, Los Angeles found that over 219,000 more pints of blood could be donated annually each year if this ban was changed to the one-year deferral process. The HIV virus is not only transmitted through men, but it is unbiased when in comes to gender so the policy is inaccurate. Researchers have proven that blood is tested thoroughly with modern day technology. With leading nations already using new methods for processing donors the United States can see it works. We must put ourselves in everyone’s shoes before judgment and stigmas are made on a group of people who are only trying to help humanity.