The Journey Within & Help Hotlines *ALL AGES*

Life is indifferent sometimes.  We all know that. One moment  you can feel like you’re on CLOUD NINE and a second later you could feel as though nothing is worth it anymore.  In this present existence it is almost unknown to hear someone say the words “I AM PERECTLY HAPPY.’’ I get that no one actually uses those exact words, but the understanding goes to the entirety of the phrase. “I AM + PERFECTLY= HAPPY.”  Instead of rambling on about that phrase all together, the purpose of me saying that is because no one can be perfectly happy. We are all going to have problems, we are all going to deal with things that seem endless, and we are all going to be faced with challenges that are unfair. A few things were brought to my attention that I choose not to speak about, because I simply choose not to. But just remember that you are not alone.  Yes the situations are different for everyone, and the BOILING POINT can only go so far until the meter reaches that limit, but believe me THINGS GET BETTER. They always will. Just… maybe do something that I do if you’re interested. I write, I go to some of my FAVORITE PLACES that make me happy, find that memory that MAKE ME SMILE, talk to a FRIEND, look within to figure out what is ACTUALLY HAPPENING around me, or even simply being in the moment to see what is really UP. Everyone is different so DON’T FEEL LIKE YOUR WAY IS WRONG.  There is always an answer. Believe me, I am one that has always looked. Some of them I have been lucky to find but others I am still trying to figure out.

Here are some websites and numbers if you ever need to talk. Especially if you feel a little awkward to talk to someone that is around you. Or possibly to find out a little more information…

.....  PUT A SMILE ON =)

http://suicidehotlines.com/

Toll-free/24hrs/7days a week

1-800-784-2433

1-800-273-8255

http://teenadvice.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ/Ya&sdn=teenadvice&cdn=people&tm=28&f=10&tt=14&bt=1&bts=1&zu=http%3A//www.girlsandboystown.org/hotline/index.asp

This is a national hotline for teens for depression-24hrs.

1-800-448-3000

Another Teen Help site- 24hrs.

http://teenadvice.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ/Ya&sdn=teenadvice&cdn=people&tm=12&f=10&tt=14&bt=1&bts=1&zu=http%3A//www.vpp.com/teenhelp/

1-800-355-8336

Drug Addiction

http://www.addictioncareoptions.com/addiction.asp

1-800-784-6776

this is the same site but link for California

http://www.addictioncareoptions.com/californiadrugrehab.asp

This is the GLBT National Help Center- Gays, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender

http://www.glnh.org/index2.html

GLBT National Hotline – 1-888-843-4564

GLBT National Youth Talkline- 1-800-246-7743

This is an online support group

http://www.dailystrength.org/support-groups/Lesbian-Gay

And there are many more contacts at this site below. You can find help for alcoholism, abuse, eat disorders and awareness, poison control, and other contacts as well.

http://smhp.psych.ucla.edu/hotline.htm


Here is a Credit Counseling Company that I use that is helping me with my debt
ACCC- American Consumer Credit Counseling 

http://www.consumercredit.com/

Toll Free- 1-800-769-3571

Local in California- 1-617-559-5700

DREAMS vs. TRUTH in the 1950s

I have to say it’s a BITCH when you have those reoccurring dreams that don’t leave you alone. I mean it’s one thing to have a dream that actually means something important. FOR EXAMPLE, a memory that comes out of the blue about a loved one, a black and white film that goes off in your head like an old CHARLE CHAPLIN BIOGRAPHY, or even a BLAST FROM THE PAST that ingeniously turns out to uncover something from your dark forgotten past. BUT COME ON, you know what I’m talking about. Those STUPID ASS DREAMS that make NO sense at all. LOL

Ok see…I had this dream about an EX that reoccurred a couple times, LUCKILY NOT IN A ROW. Well not about him per se, but he was somewhat like the LEADING LADY of the thing. I’m not going to give out any names so lets call him BOB. I know not creative at all. Haha.

 So here we are in an old 1950s styled gym that definitely feels like we are in that era. I see the NERD IN THE CORNER with the big MRS. DOUBTFIRE GLASSES and at my left an image of the unforgiving GYM TEACHER (the one who everyone knows is a BIG LESSIE, but who is also the one who will never be asked, because no one has big enough COJONES to confront her about it). BOB and I looked very clean cut with some version of plaid on. Ok to cut to the chase, this is how we kind of looked. ->

 MINUS THE ALFALFA SET UP IN THE FRONT…

We walked into a booth, almost exactly like the ones we use for the secret ballots, and there it was…THE PART OF THE DREAM that made no sense. As I came closer my eyes widened even FUCKIN MORE, because there was a paper and a pencil with some spotlight on it. You’re probably thinking, REALLY A FUCKIN PAPER AND PENCIL, THAT’S IT. The weird and troubling part of it were the words written in sequence. The ballot had one simple question on it (ARE YOU READY!!!). It looked like this–

1)   ARE YOU A TOP OR A BOTTOM?

o   Top

o   Bottom

…..Really, are you FUCKIN KIDDING ME……like come on. What is the point of that?   And to even make it more interesting, as BOB AND I stood there next to each other, I noticed him leaning over to cheat like it was so hard of a question. COME ON!!!!

If I had to, I could talk more into detail about the different philosophies of the Egyptians and Greeks when it came to dream interpretation, but really Aristotle was right with this one. Ok here is a quick lesson to understand what I’m talking about. A lot of the Greeks believed our dreams were “DIVINE MESSAGES FROM THE GODS,” while EGYPTIANS saw them as, “ANSWERS FROM THE GODS WHO WERE TRYING TO HELP THEM TROUBLESHOOT THERE OWN MAN MADE PROBLEMS.” No I was not born with this knowledge. I actually learned it in a philosophy class from a very WISE and OLD MAN named Professor Coppola. If you are ever at CSUN this is the philosophy teacher to have. He not only teaches his students the importance of human condition, but he also offers a generous FOOT UP YOUR ASS if you try to fall asleep in his class. A very funny guy I have to say and to be honest you wouldn’t want to sleep in his class anyways. He is someone that I HIGHLY RESPECT, because he tells it like it is. IN AN ENLIGHTING WAY OF COURSE. Lol……

*******BUT ANYWAYS……The reason I bring up ARISTOTLE is because he pressed  on saying that “DREAMS ARE A MERE COINCIDENCE.” I’ll stop with this philosophy lesson, because you’re probably sleeping on me. Not like that, I know that kind of came out wrong…..as well as that…but anyways the point is THE DREAM WAS VIRTUALLY POINTLESS. Or at least that is how I’m going to take it. 

“WE ALL HAVE WEIRD DREAMS AND SITUATIONS THAT HAPPEN TO US. SOMETIMES THEY CAN BE EXPLAINED, SOMETIMES WE CAN LEARN FROM THEM, SOMETIMES THEY ARE WARNINGS, OR SOMETIMES THEY ARE JUST BULLSHIT.  “

IT just depends on how you look at them. Or should I say HOW YOU CHOSE TO LOOK AT THEM, it’s all about balance when it comes to surviving. ;)

HASTA

Christmas Day and Frank Sinatra

     I got to say, it has been lovely so far this Christmas. So far no fists, no screaming at the top of our lungs, and no reason to call the cops. lol..Last year was a measure beyond measure. Fill with tamales, foreign cousins, and an Uncle who didn't really know how TO PUT THE BOTTLE DOWN. Hey I have nothing against drinking, but we all know what happens when we finish that last sip at the bottom of the bottle, the bottle we end off drinking all to ourselves, because everyone else wanted to be good boys and girls that year. YES, - we become the granny in the corner who ends up squatting in the backyard- making noises that only whales can translate. This year is probably going to be quite the same, obviously, but without the cops, AT LEAST I HOPE.  My dad does not drink because he is a recovering alcoholic, and my mom drinks only when she can fit it into her schedule. I don't mean it in a bad way, just my dad believes it's a sin above all religion to take a sip now, and my mom is a workaholic. lol. Just kidding on the MOM part. I love her. But just the mom part. The dad part ...Ya... if you knew him, you would understand what I am talking about.

     I actually feel bad for people who do not drink, because it really is a fancy when it comes down to it. FRANK SINATRA said it best when he said, " I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." Look, I don't drink cause I have to, I don't drink every minute of every day-MAYBE BECAUSE NO ALCOHOL IS ALLOWED IN THE HOUSE, BUT WHOSE ASKING- and I don't go bombarding the streets at 3 o'clock in the morning like a crack head on Santa Monica Blvd and Hancock. Yes I knew that area very well once. But I do like my drinks once in a while. A nice wild berry martini, apple tini, Kamikaze, or even to be more specific- MY FAVORITE- a BELVEDERE MARTINI-STRAIGHT UP-XTRA DIRTY-W/ 3 OLIVES. I can probably survive on a beer or a RUM AND COKE- but hey this is my blog and I want what I want. Thank you, Frank Sinatra- BECAUSE WITH OUT YOU , LIFE AT TIMES WOULD OF HAD NO MEANING....

Hasta 

Christmas Time w/o phone

Ok...I told you I would be posting another soon. lol.. I came on to post this "Christmas Time" thing and went off on a rant that had to be discussed anyway. I have been living w/o a phone for for the last 2 weeks, and at first it was 'HELL ON WHEELS,' but it slowly became a blessing. I am usually a guy that "GETS THE BIGGER PICTURE" but hey I am human and "SHIT HAPPENS." With my phone gone I was able to be more in the moment then I have ever been able to. Yes I do need a phone for my business, and honestly like everyone else, "I'M NOT SPECIAL." But during the Holidays it has been ok. I spent time with some of my great family friends ( Regina Lopez, Caroline, Brit, and Jessica) going Ice skating the other day, and yesterday saw a movie with someone who is and has always been special to me, why it didn't work out, no idea. ACTUALLY, I lied , I know exactly why it didn't, but it was out of my hands. lol....=) But sorry, that was not my point. You will discover as I write future blogs that i am very scatter brains, but usually it's for a good reason..lol..Right now I am listening to "IMOGEN HEAP"- 'First Train Home'. Her voice really calms me down, but anyway, SHIT, LOL,....."The Holidays" thats right, um...lets back track. ..lets see ..umm....thats right...

THE PHONE THING- with out my phone during this holiday , with the phone being gone, I think I enjoyed the moments with my great friends even more. I didn't have any annoying ringing, sounds of missed calls, STUPID- text messages of "WHAT AM I DOING RIGHT NOW"- when they know exactly where I am. lol...it was really nice. I didn't ask for any Christmas gifts, because that's not how i am, but that was a definite gift from God. Thanx. Now heading to get ready for the family 'EVENT OF THE YEAR" and what i mean by that is "MY AUNTS HOUSE, WHERE THE SOUNDS OF BABIES OF ALL AGES, COME TOGETHER'". LOL...haha I' m  telling the truth, but I STILL LUV IT.- Merry Christmas Eve.........!!!!@#$%^&*;)

HASTA

Nicilija

W/O A PHONE AND INTRO

I thought it would have been difficult and out of the ordinary being without a phone for the last week. Sounds strange, I know, but if you knew my life you would understand that "ME" without one- DOESN"T MAKE SENSE. I am part of the VVV Group as well as a company called "Bungalow 118". There will be a much further description later, but for now lets just talk a little about "VVV Group". The Leaders of the group are Jose Ledesma, Laura Lopez, Munee Duran, and Myself. We just did our first Charity event for the "Flower Child Foundation" for "Fashion with a Cause". It was  success in its own right. What I mean by that is it was a great hit in "PRESS" but not in Profits- for the Charity. You know things happen, they always do, and they always will. It depends on the person on which way they take it. Ya I could be crying about it, and believe me I did a little, =), but I was happy that the Charity and the "VVV Group" got exposure. And Did I tell you I did all this without a phone. lol. It's impressive how life decides to be FUNNY when "SHE or HE" decides to test you even when you don't feel like being tested. lol.. What can I say " All you can do is giggle inside, and say 'HEY WHAT THE FUCK,' then move on."

A short intro about myself. I live around Hollywood,  and my name is Nicholas Guerra (Nicilija). My acting name is "Nicolas Guerra", old friends call me "Nick," new friends call me "Nico, " and my writer's name is  "Nicilija". There is a long pressing story about how I created that name, because believe me it wasn't that easy. It took years, new experiences, and fazes to understand the strength behind this name. I promise I will talk about it later. I am a struggling actor,singer, model, Poet, as well as a few other things that I will explain in detail as we get to know each other. A short portion of the extra is , I am a gay male, whoop whoop,- "YES ANOTHER GAY BLOGGER", lol...but the interesting thing is I was planning on being a priest right before I graduated High School at "Alemany High School". I came out when I was 18yrs old in 2005, things didn't quite go as I wanted them to and ended up here. "In the Fashion and Entertainment Business. My whole goal for this "BLOGGING THING", is simply- I am going to write - THE TRUTH- the dirt, the needy greedy, the shit that probably other people would be to scared to talk about. Hey I have nothing else to loose, and I try to be as honest as I can in my life, so why not here with you. I am not going to have any format, sometimes my spelling could be wrong, and grammar will be a "HOOT", but honestly  "I DON'T GIVE A SHIT." lol. I'm going to talk about my philosophies, my life, my relationships sometimes, sometimes I will write in metaphor, most of the time I will tell it straight, I 'll talk about my business and the advice I can give to you from someone that is in the "HOT SPOT OF THE DAMN THING', and everything else in  between. But for now there it is, take it how you like, and I will be blogging about the next topic "VERY VERY SOON'. Have a great one. Hasta