Friday, March 13, 2015

Dominants Aren't Everything

        In today’s society, I would like to believe that our social locations such as gender, sexual orientation, economic class, and nationality would not put us in a different category of power. Sadly it still does. I am lucky for all the good and bad in my life in regards to my dominant and non dominant positions, because either way all these experiences have made me the strong individual that I am today. My dominating position of being a light complexioned latino with european features have in some ways made my life easier. On the other end, my non dominating positions of being a gay latin male who fluctuates in weight has burdened me in many ways as well.
Being a light complected latin male has helped me in this male european driven society because of my outer appearance. The mix of my Scottish blood and Mexican blood have physicalized me to fit into the Caucasian mold but also differently enough to be unique. Here we see being complaint and  the usage of empowerment at the same time. Weirdly, my mix of cultures have popped out an individual who looks conformed enough (complaint) to be acceptable and different enough to be wanted more in jobs than my other dark complexioned latin family. I have never accepted this discrimination, but it is something that does exist. I have brown eyes, very light complexioned skin, greek curls, a height of 6’2, and masculine features. We are living in a very superficial world, so without any help my genetics have placed me as one of the most desired and powerful positions of the Western Culture. 
When I modeled and acted for a living my look was very much wanted when my weight was at bay. My opportunities for runway shows, print jobs, and auditions for shows like The Vampire Diaries and Super Natural were fluid enough to keep me coming back. I am also a human who’s weight fluctuates like many people. This is not a good thing for the modeling world or acting world specifically when your “Type” is the Lead who is supposed be fit, tall, Caucasian, and masculine. I was always told that my weight had to always be in check. They never pushed how, but lets just say that the finger down the throat was seen often but never spoken about. My weight was always an issue for me, so when I was thin jobs came soaring in, but when my weight was out of control the jobs always slowed way down. The entertainment industry has always put this harsh and fake facade on the world. It pretends to equally represent the population through its diverse cast, but in truth it cages most people because it only represents about 1 percent of its audience. 
The majority of top shows are filled with starving models and actors who are the light complexioned versions of their own cultures. This is not diverse yet we all fall into the producers hands who are banking on our desire to be these fictional characters. Think about it. One major reason why they keep this facade is because they know that most people will never be these people. Shows on the CW pick actors who can be idolized, desired, those looks that can sell a product, and those actors that can be attached to other products like make up campaigns so executive producers have another avenue to make more money on the misrepresented audience. 
Another non dominating factor is my Mexican heritage. I have discussed my light complexioned skin as a positive in the Western European driven world, but in my own community it is sometimes frowned upon. I am very knowledgeable about my culture yet my inability to understand and speak the language places me at the bottom of the acceptance list. I have always been judged by my own community, have been told that I am ‘White Washed,” a gringo, and that I am not Mexican enough based on my skin complexion and english speaking mouth. When I was younger this hurt me all the time. I even went to lengths to teach my self Spanish, put my self in classes to learn Spanish, and have my own family test me at home everyday for months. The problem here is that there are so many versions of Spanish, so in the end I was still being tormented because my Spanish was not correct. These days I really don't care, because those ignorant people are always going to be out there, but this is definitely another non dominant in my own culture.
My last non dominant position is to me both a dominant and a non dominant. My sexual orientation has always either been fully accepted or hated depending on my positioning in Los Angeles and depending on who I spent my time with. When I lived in Santa Clarita (where the Caucasian culture is very dominant), I was very active in my Churches. I sang with them for about a year after I was with this church for about 3 years before that. For the longest time I felt like I needed to keep my sexual orientation quiet, because that is what I was taught in the Catholic religion and in my twelve years of experience going to a Catholic school. 
After working with the band for about a year I decided to relax a little and invite some band mates to the Abbey which is a gay restaurant and club in West Hollywood. Now let me scene set this for a second. As a performer on stage I would get letters and complements from many members saying they loved that I actually moved on stage. They loved that I was very personable off as well. I was being prepped to be a lead singer for this band, but after I invited the wrong people to West Hollywood my Music Director (an ignorant wannabe Christian woman) asked me to step down through an email. Never really gave any reason (even though I pushed to know why), but after that moment I never went to that Church again. I knew why. 
A year later I actually got together with another band mate who turned out to be a lesbian. She was best friends with this musical director. We sat and had coffee while she expressed to me that her best friend told her to step down because she was gay. At this time, I was young and still just coming out of the closet so I didn't fight. Luckily she stepped down a couple years later, and the Church (from what I heard) started having services focusing on the acceptance of the LGBTQ community. The is a very hard place to change because they are so wrapped up in the old and dated philosophies. Yes many basics like love your neighbor, the gold means, and golden rules all are great things to live by, but obviously some people decide for themselves when these teachings should be applied or not. 
There is always going to be ignorant people and depending on your geographical position we will see more or less of these stubborn and stuck in their ways kind of people.  These days I have been interviewing with different LBGTQ non profits and organizations. Many of them are ironically in West Hollywood where the freedom of sexual orientation is celebrated. In this area the non dominant position becomes the dominant, because the majority are either gay themselves or supporters of gay rights. I become the dominant position in my interviews, because these jobs are looking for people with experience with LGBTQ rights, individuality, and people who can relate to youth of today who may be gay or not. I become the dominant position because the people in power here are also part of non dominant positions. 
Dominating and non dominating positions are factored by the surrounding population. If the people in power believe that their gender or race is superior then they have a spoken or unspoken say in that matter. I say unspoken because many times today discriminations like racism, sexism, and discrimination against sexual orientation are not expressed out loud in business. If a business owner gave that information to the applicant then they could be sued. These days a lot of discrimination is unspoken because they are trying to save their own butts. 
Rather or not one is seen in the dominant or non dominant positions they still have the power to over come it all.They do not need to conform everything they are to meet standards that evolve everyday. My experience tells me that it doesn't matter what position society tries to fit you in. You get to decide that for yourself. It may be more difficult because of the ignorance of people in power, but by being the non dominant it makes you more aware of what is going on. In my life it has made me stronger. In my life it has taught me to have a wider observational set. In my life it has shown me that the dominant and non dominant of a culture will always change depending on the people in power. Since people in power are all different depending on the job you are trying to take there is no need to fear conformity. The fact is that more people of the non dominant positions are grabbing power, so allowing your individuality and uniqueness to be expressed is a smart thing to do. Just be yourself and everything will fall into place. 

Friday, November 9, 2012




Look what I found. Haha. My brother and I decided to play around with a basic 12 bar blues track a bit ago. I had a lot of fun coming up with the rest and working with Jonathan Guerra in his studio. It's called "Only Today." Happy Flash Back Friday.  Enjoy :p

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Big Bright World (Garbage)



This is Garbage's new music video. Aric and I were honored to be in it with other wonderful Darklings that were chosen. We had a blast on set and now have some great new memories to share for the rest of our lives. Thank you again to Garbage and to Garbage's team for being so kind. ;)

Ciao

Nico

Monday, April 30, 2012

The 5 R's In Relationship


     Relationships are all different. They come in all shapes and sizes, all different colors and beginnings, but when it comes to be, the fundamentals are what makes for a long lasting success. Now, there are plenty of varieties depending on whom you’re with and how the relationship is based, but I find the five major components are the 5 R's. They are Respect, Romance, Remember, Reverend Confession, and Refine.  Don’t get stressed out. Really, it isn’t that bad. Each one has more than a little to bring to the table, so lets get started shall we.
     The first, of course, is RESPECT. This comes in all forms between people in general, but it is most important in gluing the bond between two lovers. It is the foundation that everything else builds upon like the solid concrete that holds up the Roman Coliseum. One should always know that both are equal in the relationship, because it not only brings fairness between them but it brings self-love. It provides strength so one knows they are worth it and gives them a sense of identity to speak up. Two people are supposed to have a voice and if you don’t think so, then maybe a relationship is not what you should be in.
     Another part of Respect is something I like to call “Personal Space or Place Your Case.” We all have wandering eyes that can sometimes get us into trouble, but try your hardest not to faultier under pressure. Personal space, like your lover's cell phone or even the separate gym time they like to keep to themselves, can save a relationship. Yes, when it comes down to it, people may believe when MARRIED all what is yours becomes OURS, but you're wrong. You do share lives that need to feel shared, but some things need to stay theirs. Unless of course you have reason to suspect infidelity, then in my eyes all bets are off. But until that evidence is to the forefront, DO NOT LET YOUR TEMPTATION GET THE BEST OF YOU.
    The hard part of being human for many is pride. The pride of compromising, the pride of asking for help, but one of the hardest things is the pride of apologizing when you are wrong. It may take some time to realize this, which is different for everyone, but admitting that you’re wrong when you’re wrong is for both of you. It shows that you’re not perfect, because no one is; it shows that you love your mate even if it is not a big deal to you, and it promises your lover that YOU ARE in it together. You may be someone that is used to solving matters on your own, or even might be someone that thinks they are ALWAYS right, but in the end you know that you are not. If you have to go outside for a breather, go for a walk, or even simply ask if you can have a little more time to figure it out then do it. Do not let your pride get the best of you. If you really love the person, then let them know it by showing vulnerability.
Nicolas Guerra & Aric Sky
    The next R is ROMANCE. This is one of my favorites, and it tends to be the one that many miss or lose as time progresses. Both lovers need to be romanced. I can never stress this enough. Let me repeat, BOTH LOVERS NEED ROMANCE! Only because society tries to press that it is the MAN’S JOB, it is not. Yes the man should romance over all, but don’t forget your man. You need to let them know that they are special too. I am not being a baby on this, but I always feel that guys get short handed because of what we are taught when we are growing up. For me, I like to call it SURPRISE WITH YOUR EYES. What this means is you don’t always have to go over the top (please do if that is what they like ;)), but surprise them over the holidays. That is all they ask. Just once in a while. Someone like myself doesn’t like huge surprises, but if you can find a way to give love without making it anxiety rigged, then do it, because no one else will the way that you can. And believe me, you are the one that your BABE wants to see it come from no matter what they say.
     The last part of Romance comes with the JUST BECAUSE territory. I mean come on! In truth, the holidays are really never going to be a huge surprise. Most are expecting something in the back of their minds, but how you can really get them is by doing something JUST BECAUSE. Not only will you catch your man or woman (I’m not judging) off guard, but here also is where the magic lies. It really does. If you want to get points for going beyond then hone in on the small things.

     In the beginning of my relationship with my boyfriend Aric, he surprised me with sneaking roses into my car without me knowing. So when I woke up and headed to class, I had a “WHAT THE FUCK” moment when I discovered at my right there were red roses. I am not going to lie; I was scared for a moment. I didn’t know if I had a stocker or what, but especially now I can look back and have proof in my catalog of memories that he is different. He is someone that did something for me that no one else had ever thought of. And see, it wasn’t a big party and there wasn’t an event attached to it, but from his gesture I realized that I did love him and he loves me. You mean the world to me BABE. 

     Next on the Agenda is REMEMBER. This is part of the relationship that everyone has trouble with even myself. Just keep it simple when it comes to holidays. Think VALENTINE’S Day (Check), BIRTHDAY (Check), and ANNIVERSARY (Check). If you are confused with anyone of these then ASK! Ask directly or ask with charm by being slick about it. I don’t care, but there is no reason for you to forget these. Just Write the BLOODY THING DOWN or even give it to your MOMMA if you have to. There is absolutely no reason you can ever give that allows you to forget these moments. You can literally have ALZHEIMERS and your mate will not be amused.
     This goes into the next part of Remember, and that is putting your lover first after you can love yourself. Don’t get confused! You may be thinking “THIS IS A TRICK STATMENT,” it isn’t. You need to first love yourself, because how can we love anyone else if we cannot do that? Take time to get to know yourself. And in all honesty, if you have not learned to love yourself, you may not be ready to be in a relationship either. After you take some time to figure YOU-> OUT, your lover should be on your mind when it comes to decision-making, and when events come to pass that affect the relationship. Even the little things like keeping communication between each other, or getting back to your lover in a reasonable time of them calling you is part of it. Always put yourself in your lover’s shoes, and if that doesn’t help you, ask them what little things are important to them. Because they tend to be the parts that annoy your lover, and can cause unneeded arguments that could have been prevented.
      Now one of the hardest parts of the 5 R’s, or maybe for some it is the easiest, is the REVEREND CONFESSION. Let me explain. What this has to deal with is honesty, trust, and a little bit of good faith. Picture a confessional, for the Catholics, with a priest listening in on your sins. And you are sitting in a closet of a room as you talk through a little window. This is much like that but without the priest, without the claustrophobic closet, and without the Hail Marys coined with a couple of dreaded Our Fathers.  It is a place where you and your lover can speak freely, but with respect and without any precautions or prosecutions. It is a save Haven between you and your partner where you let each other know what is really going on inside, what can be worked on between each other, and even a place were you could possibly get in an apology that you might have missed.
     This is scary for many, because most couples keep a lot to themselves for the sake of compromise or for the sake of not arguing. This is where you are wrong again. I understand you may be tired from a long day, or maybe you just stopped arguing and the peace feels golden. The problem is if you do not speak up about your dilemmas, I can promise you that they are going to come up again. AND AGAIN... AND AGAIN.
      Anyways, relationships are supposed to be based on honesty, right? I mean, come on. You know damn well, that there is something you might want to say that you have locked in your mind for only your ears to hear. And as much as you might want to keep it like that, you need to let it out.
      If you find it is difficult to get a word in then write everything down, make rules for the discussion, and use a baton of sorts. Whoever has the baton is aloud to speak while the one without is there to listen. As the other speaks, you can go ahead and write it down if you must, because in the heat of the moment we all forget and even find it hard to stay quiet. A word of advice if I may add, you might want to do this when your tempers are cooled. You know, when the fire in your eyes has been left to a miniature mosquito sized lit of a flame? Both will be calm enough to listen and your risk of a heart attack will demise back down to 1%. Well, it may be more; I’m not your nutritionist, so either way it will be less than before.
    We are finally at the last R. Do I hear cheering and applause in the bleachers, or is that just my imagination? No I think I’m right.  It is cheers. The Last R is Refine. See relationships may not start complicated, but as we get older and the relationship grows they tend to become that way. It isn’t the relationship’s fault, so don’t blame. It has plenty of feelings to, and if you make it sad it may not come to cuddle you at night when you are all alone, because you didn’t listen to me. I am just playing with you, I am sure your relationship is working, and if it is not, than that is what I am here for.
    Refine is basically telling you that your relationship does not have to be complicated, even when new components like children or moving in together are added to the table. You have the power to simplify it. Patty from Million Dollar Matchmaker said it best when teaching the importance of having your NON-NEGOTIABLES. These are the things you want out of a relationship that you need to have and are not willing to change. These can include if you want a family, if you want your lover to be religious or not at all, or the nonnegotiable of needing someone that satisfies you with THE SMALL THINGS. Everyone needs to look at these first before coming into a relationship, because if you don’t then a happy long lasting relationship is nearly impossible.
    The next step is letting your lover know from the beginning. As we know, we are creatures that evolve, and we are creatures that change our minds. It is all ok, but give your lover a fighting chance will ya? If your non-negotiables change, discuss it with them and see if they are on the right page. If they are not then maybe it is time to move on, or maybe it is just time for a break. Don’t be turned off from the word BREAK, because it should be an option if needed. It doesn’t mean the person is not in love with you anymore, it simply means they need to figure a couple things out. It might not even be you, but with life throwing so many curve balls breaks can sometimes save a relationship more than you know. Now if your lover is no longer interested, then be respectful and don’t go crazy. There is a difference between fighting to get them back, and completely acting like a maniac. Love yourself enough to understand when you should fight and when you should leave.
     So there are my 5 Rs. To recap for those, like me, who have a short attention span at times, they are Respect, Romance, Remember, Reverend Confession, and Refine. We all really do come in all different shapes and backgrounds when it comes to love and relationships. But never forget that you have the power to have a successful loving and long lasting relationship. It doesn’t matter where your MOMMA comes from, if you come from a broken family, or a broken heart. We can and deserver love in our lives. I promise you, if you take time to love yourself, love your partner, and listen to these 5 R’s, you will find the right kind of love that is right for you. So keep your head up, give a smile, and continue to love, because that is what we are born to do.