Yesterday

Alarm goes off, It’s time to go

I open my eyes, I start to groan

It’s cold, but pleasant, all at the same time

As I start to move around to wipe my eyes.

I lean right over, to do what I have to do

And that’s turn the annoyance off

Before putting on my shoes,

I sit up and smell the coffee

That my Hubby already made

And hear his footsteps walk passed,

Right across the bed.

I smile and stretch every limb that I see

And attempt to not trip as I crawl to the sink.

With every strength, with every bone,

With every fiber that I possess

I will make it in my three piece suit, 

So I will be properly dressed!

I don’t care if that means no showering for today

I’ll skip my teeth, I’ll skip my hair, 

I’ll just look like yesterday;

No one will notice, no one will ask

As long as the smells gone

I’m sure I will last

What’s the point of even changing my socks

If I’m not doing the other tasks?

Really it’s just routine

Who cares! If I do it half fast.

Now I’m late, “Thank You Mirror,”

You have always tricked me

By not being very clear

I run out the door with my mug

Spilling left and right

Time to go to work again

With the same stain from yesterday’s flight.

1:19am

Nicilija Macklis

Minute's Dream

Minute’s Dream

The day is dawning, the night is falling

Each moment my heart is calling

Telling me to never let go,

Of those last minute dreams that would soon to grow,

Step by step she guides my way

Into my painting that I portray.

My tears give life to my first-born child

As his face glows, my heart weeps for a while

Not of pain or sadness or anything like that

But at my first touch of paradise

when I carried him in my lap.

He wrinkled his eyes and glanced his first sight

He smiled at my soul and held my finger tight

I brushed his poor head as I whispered

for only him to hear;

And told him I will always love him,

in his little ear.

The day is dawning, the night is falling

Each moment my heart is calling

Telling me to never let go,

Of those last minute dreams

that would soon to grow.

Step-by-Step she guides my way

Into my painting that I portray.

How strange it is in how fast they grow

When it just felt like yesterday

When I brought him home,

Now I watch and cheer,

as he takes his first hit

My hands begin to tremble as I pray he’ll hit it,

He runs base to base, using every ounce he has left,

Focusing only on the home, as hearts own content.

The day is dawning, the night is falling

Each moment my heart is calling

Telling me to never let go,

Of those last minute dreams that would soon to grow.

Step-by-Step she guides my way,

Into my painting that I portray…

Until one day when all is well,

And your little miracle begins his tale,

He uses the values that you once had taught

To live his own life is which God has brought

And in these moments you realize what you know

That it is finally time to let him go.

12:47 am

Nicilija Macklis

High Tops

High Tops

Pink tops, black stripped, tattered to the “t”

All styles that resemble me

These are my high top shoes

Laced in the back, laced in the front

Cris-crossed to the slit

Or lined to a crisp

Patterned with ruffle, or cropped with a smile

Scribbled with “I Luv Yous, and Fuck Yous”

Tapered at the bottom

These are my high top shoes

Loud colored siloets, hello kitty emblems

Mismatched socks that are stuffed right in them

I wear them sheik, I wear them down

There’s no wrong way to fit them round

These are my high top shoes

Having them tight, or keeping the tongue long

Is really a matter of choice

So just put the fuckin things on

There the first thinks I put on in the morning,

And the last things I would puke into

They’re the shoes I wear,

They’re my High Top shoes

5:35am

Nicilija Macklis

Get Out of the Shadows

     Everyday I meet people and talk to friends who are struggling. I listen to problems of career choices, relationships, feelings of restlessness, feelings of worthlessness, worries about financial hardships, and depression.  I hear cries over the phone from good people who can’t find a way to get themselves out of these boxes for what ever reasons. I read past plenty of blogs about loved ones who seem to be stuck in this constant shadow they are placing themselves behind. It is hard times for many, and there is no other way around it, but you really just need to slap yourself in the face.  I’m sorry. And if that doesn’t work take a cold shower, wipe your tears off in the bathroom, and run in the streets naked if you have to. Wake Up! Life is too worth wild to give up, too engaging to walk around with “Poor Me” across your forehead, and too passionate to put your self in the DOG HOUSE. Well, if you’re married and your lover puts you there for something you did, then good riddance, but hey I know most of you aren’t.

     My life is nothing close to perfect, by all means, and someday I will share, but I don’t use my dilemmas and struggles as excuses. Yes, sometimes they can be very legitimate, but if you want something badly you wouldn’t stop going after it, RIGHT? I mean for those that were raised with religion in their lives, one of the first things we are taught is this word “Sacrifice.” As much as many of us try to block those years from our psyche, which are all legitimate of course ;), sacrifices and prioritizing are important. That is why we were taught it annoyingly enough to the point of when we didn’t practice these philosophies we felt guilt. It is embedded in us and is a part of us. We need to use this to get through these moments. We need to use it to narrow down our lives and figure out what is causing us to fall off course. Then create a plan to get back up again. In one of my past blogs, I wrote that I have quotes surrounding my room of people I look up to and others I have written myself, because they remind me of how I can, why I want, and why I should get up every morning. You have to understand what will give you the motivation to keep pushing and keep it close to you. Allow it to be in a visible place that you can look at everyday to give you a little guidance when you need it. It doesn’t matter what it is, because the importance is only meant for you.

     One quote I will share is one I also used as a “Status Up Date” a couple weeks ago. It is also a quote I have not removed from my mirror, because I’m not done with it yet.  It reads, “To focus we must steer away from what causes us to get distracted. It doesn’t mean we have to stay like this forever, but until we can become strict with ourselves, we will never account to anything in this decade.” I wrote this in a time I was really struggling, but knowing for myself that words give me power, it gave me the opportunity to push on. Someone can probably find something that’s wrong with this quote, but for me it doesn’t matter and that’s the point. I know the meaning, and I know what it does for me.That’s it. So put a smile on, figure out what you need to do to keep smiling, and work on everything else one day at a time.

    

Ciao

Nico

     

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Gambit - Marvel Universe Wiki: The definitive online source for Marvel super hero bios.