Right now I am sitting in a coffee shop and sipping on my “Bold Coffee of the Day” overhearing little conversations around me. As you can probably start to image, the sounds of the horns are trumping and the voices of “Old Time Blues Singers” are traveling through the air. This is one of my favorite places to just get some work done, or even on my best of days, to just sit and listen. You might be asking yourself, “Why are you sitting alone, in a coffee shop, just listening to conversations?” Well, obviously it is because I am waiting for a “Huge Group of People” to burst in at any second to join me. EEEENNNT!! WRONG!. Lol. As fun as that sounds, No…., Occasionally, I do enjoy just sitting in random places by myself, allowing not only the music, but random strangers to entertain me with their random looks and conversations. It is enlightening and sometimes quite funny actually. You get “Slight Hellos,” “ Curious Georges with big “?” marks on their faces, and sometimes are even blessed with “ THE NUNS.” Yes my friends. But not just any NUNS, but the ones with the full “I’M MARRIED TO GOD” get up and slow pacing struts that only seem to get slower.
Today I over heard these, “
GRACIOUS BEEDS OF LIGHT”
share a story about something very unexpected. One, I have to say, I felt shameful to even allow myself to point my ears at. The kind of conversation that makes you wonder what really is going on in those convents. They were giggling over “Excess Baggage another Sister was holding on to from a past relationship.” Ok, it wasn’t that bad, but come on I had to gain your attention with a good intro. It would have been funny though if they were talking about a -Sex Scandal between two of the sisters that turned out to be real sisters, and then that other sister, “who everyone knew had the genital warts that one time,” ended off being a man who had a sex change!!!!... Oh, that would have been some juicy stuff. Someone should put that on a Novela Episode sometime…
I CALL ALL COPYWRIGHTS!!!!!!!!
Anyways, that got me thinking about the whole “Baggage” thing. We all carry it around, some more generously than others, but it brought up the questions, “WHEN IS TOO MUCH, TOO MUCH? WHEN WILL YOU KNOW FOR YOUSELF WHEN THE RIGHT TIME, IS THE RIGHT TIME, TO GET BACK ON THE WAGON? HOW DO YOU RECOGNIZE IT IN SOMEONE THAT YOU ARE DATING BEFORE YOU GET TOO INVOLVED? AND FINALLY- WHEN IS IT THE RIGHT TIME TO START TELLING THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE???? So many bloody questions that I still at times deal with. The same questions I know everyone else battles with as well.
Well first things first, the time is not on a first date. NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! “A mistake that I will never do again!.... NEVERRRR!!!. I can tell you from personal experience if you are still talking about your Ex to someone you just met, ‘’OBVIOUSLY THAT IS BAGGAGE YOU HAVE NOT LET GO.” Luckily, this guy was very nice who I think understood I just needed to vent it out. So for his time, I bought him all the drinks he wanted for putting up with me, and said “Farewell.” If you haven’t noticed I am going out of order. My past personal experience of an event as such, turned out to be best used now, so here we are discussing the last question first. ‘WHEN IS IT THE RIGHT TIME TO START TELLING THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE?” I think it is different for everyone. Depending how long you have known each other for in real time, and how many opportunities you guys have had to bond. We know it is not the first date. As much as it is easier at times to go that direction, lets leave the “Darker and More intense Conversations” for the 3rd and beyond dates. In the beginning, it should be light and fun. Ask questions to allow your self to understand what kind of person the other is. I have always thought, the person who asks a lot of questions turns out to be the one who is genuinely interested. I am not saying to “ Act like a Reporter and Go Crazy,” but have some spice with it and show some personality. The more clever questions always caught my eye, and usually allowed me to want to know more about the other. Which meant, ‘SECOND DATE ;).”
HOW DO YOU RECOGNIZE IT IN SOMEONE THAT YOU ARE DATING BEFORE YOU GET TOO INVOLVED? Best way is to follow your instincts. Most people know the answer early off, but usually decide to keep pursuing out of these “Stupid Rules of Engagement.” You know, those “Rules we abide by, because Disney movies planted in our heads at an early age that ‘Love will Prevail in All,’ or those rules we leeched on to from magazines like Cosmo.” I am not saying anything is wrong with that, believe me, especially for those of us who have bad instincts. As a fellow candidate who usually has great advice for others, but SUCKS IN LIFE ON READING SIGNS FOR HIS OWN, I completely understand. Just try to figure out the little signs now, so later on, these dilemmas will not happen again. Practice always makes perfect.
WHEN WILL YOU KNOW FOR YOUSELF WHEN THE RIGHT TIME, IS THE RIGHT TIME, TO GET BACK ON THE WAGON? Well again, everyone is of course different and every situation is different. Answering this question can take pages depending how deep we want to go and how much “Shit” happened in it. For time purposes, lets just go over some of the generals. It first starts with that healing we all need. For me, it was a while. I had to look within myself to see how much I was broken, and relearn to be me again. Since I am definitely the “Hopeless Romantic,” after I was happy with being single again, and when I was able to look in the mirror to really smile, I know it was time. I regained my confidence, and got in touch with every one of my passions, and before I knew it, I think I not only gained myself back, but also grew into whom I was always supposed to be. People sometimes believe in the need of the quote on quote “REBOUND RELATIONSHIP.” I do too. Lol. But it is just not that easy. Most of the time, that one is not enough. You might have several little flings, hook ups, or even heart to heart relationships before you truly become ok again. It all depends on you and all of it is acceptable. Just be honest with yourself before taking any leaps of faith in these kinds of situations, because you don’t want to hurt the REBOUNDS. They have feelings too… LOL!
Last but not least, the final question.
WHEN IS TOO MUCH, TOO MUCH? 
What I am asking here is, “
When is the other’s Baggage, or your own, to Much to bare?” Simple. When the other’s baggage starts to really change you, who you are, and when everything in your world becomes about the other’s needs,
IT IS TOO MUCH. Or when you feel yourself trying to take on this new project as a cover up, because you don’t want to deal with everything else at the moment.
IT IS TOO MUCH. I am not directing this to married relationships that have been together for years, nor am I overlooking the “OUT OF MY HAND SITUATIONS WHERE PROBLEMS BEGIN TO FALL OUT OF NO WHERE.” I am speaking to newly fresh relationships, including dating status, where it should still be at a getting to know each other bases. We all have different levels of what we can handle, our job is to realize how much we can take on and act on it. Not to be afraid of saying, “Look, you are amazing, but I am not ready for something like this,” or “
Dude, you are definitely TO KOO KOO FOR MY COCOA PUFFS.” That is your job! You deserve it to yourself, and you deserve it to the other person involved.
Well, that is my blog for the night. If you decided to make this part of your entertainment for the day, “I thank you,” and if I was able to help you out a little, then I did my job. Either way, I had a great time writing this one, because one day I hope to have a column geared in this direction of topic, or maybe something else. ;) If you have any questions about things bothering you, please do not hesitate to email me on Facebook, and I will try to help you out to the best of my ability. I may ask if it is ok to post a new “BLOG” about it, but if not then it will be completely confidential. Just say the words, or should I say, “ASK AWAY.”
Ciao For Now
Your Bud
Nico
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