First Time Cotton Candy

Modern Day Vampire

     Getting an interview with a real living vampire is difficult. Those that are apart of vampirism stay very secretive by nature keeping majority of the truths to themselves, but after constant rejection for a face-to-face meet one finally said yes. For the protection of his identity his name will be changed.

     The beginning of the interview was at sundown at Starbucks in Stevenson Ranch of Santa Clarita Valley. It was cold that evening and a light flickered to my left as the generators turned on. White noise of constant chatter surrounded the outdoor patio where we spoke, but he sat calmly with his legs crossed smoking a cigarette. Today is three days before Allhallows Eve and he looks no different from anyone else. His skin was ruffed with facial hair, average in height, attractive dark features, looking no older than early twenties, dressed in a checkered blue button down, converse, and bright blue contacts. His name is Eli, age 31, shares he was born in 1886, and says he is a vampire.

     Before I could even ask my first question he began it for me saying, “ You are probably wondering where my fangs, pale skin, and black cape are?” He laughed and giggled as he inhaled his cigarette slowly. Eli continued, “ Well my fangs only come out when I get excited and the pale skin was never a deciding factor on being a vampire.”

     Between the worlds of fact and fiction the truth of the modern day vampire has been covered by the myth that translated into American society. The association of blood sucking, fangs, stakes, coined phrase such as “walkers of the night,” and dark worn attire have been images that represented the vampires for centuries. He wanted to make clear that these depictions were not always accurate, and only because you think you know them from television, movies, and books doesn’t mean the public knows who they really are.

     As I got comfortable in my seat he began to explain how the mere look of a vampire as been rapt so much in fiction that the truth of their physical attributes are no longer valid. Eli smirked and took another drag of his cigarette looking at the passing people walk by. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, “ Not just anyone can be a vampire, but if there was one right next to you a person wouldn’t even know it.” I asked him to elaborate, “ Your next door neighbor with a Florida tan can be one, the old lady you see pass by you walking her dog can be one, your child can be one, because being a vampire is not depicted by such things.”

     There are several colleges that offer the literature and history of vampirism when I researched for this meeting. Some of these colleges are Texas Christian University, Aurora University, The University of Hertfordshire, and Harvard. Harvard University Extension School offers a course in vampire literature and film, while Hertfordshire offers a master’s degree in the study of vampire literature.

     I asked what he thought about these schools teaching the literature of vampirism and he smiled kindly but found it funny. He started to speak again,“ You can learn all you want about the history and folklore, like between a Sanguinarian and a Psi Vampire, but unless the teacher is a vampire the truth will never be fully told.  Nor will they tell you the whole truth.“ These two types of vampires are what most vampires classify themselves under. The commonality that can be used to broadly understand the vampire, Eli explains, is they are incapable of producing enough energy of their own, so the need to feed off of others is eminent. This energy can be taken from nature, people, or any other source of the living state.

     In the sacred texts of Buddhism and Hinduism there is a common belief system in the borrowing of energy between people. It talks about the sharing and giving back of energy does exist. Sometimes people just do not know they are doing it.

     As the minutes passed I could see Eli beginning to fidget. He continued even more quietly as he got closer to speak. His demeanor changed like a friend talking to a friend, “I want you to know that not just anyone can be one. It is either something you are born with, or acquired by from a vampire. Majority are kind in nature, and don’t like to share who they really are.”

     After a few moments of silence, Eli shares he is a vegetarian. “Not all Vampires feed on blood, “ he sips his soy latte, “I don’t eat meat, because I don’t like how the animals are treated in the food industry.” His life as a vampire is under the type of a psi vampire or physic vampire. These vampires are those that grab the energies around them for feeding as well as eating physical food like everyone else.

     Towards the end of the night, I wanted to know more about his personal life, and if a vampire could have a normal life. As I watched him laugh from my question he replied, “ Of course. I have a boyfriend, and we are very happy. I have extended an invitation and he is fine not being a vampire for now. I have a great job that I love, live with roommates, and do normal things like go to the beach.”

     Just like in the beginning when Eli sat down and gave me a witty comment, he decided this interview was not quite finished. His physicality became calm and collected once again. He told me that there is one more question that he knows I am dying to ask. I hesitated, because there was. He smiled, came close to my ear, and whispered, “ Don’t you want to know how to kill a vampire?” After researching that question so many times, I found myself only at dead ends. He got up, flicked his glowing bud on the floor, and left me with, “Well I’m sorry to tell you, but only a vampire will ever know the real answer to that one. “ The young man looking no older than 24 years old gave me one last smile, turned around, and walked away.

Curtain's Up!

Turning heads, making sounds

Turning directions that never ground

Here I am spinning round I found

Chasing Lovers that are never bound.

Wearing my socks with smells that hound

I walk in puzzles to hang around

Jagged but keen to everything renowned

How difficult it is to be a clown?

When no one sees you until you drown.

It’s all ok, as laughter turns your frown

Bottoms up kids, I’m upside down!

You smile, I grin, as you surround

But it’s to late for anything profound

Because the curtains are up forever mound

I’m in to deep to be unwound.

Do not astound!

You can always rebound;

There is plenty like me

Who in time will be crowned

Maybe sooner they redound,

But before, I will resound.

Nicilija Macklis

.......

Clouded faces, unraveled graces

enchanted tunnels of a ruined city

Guided by clustered lights fallen from heaven’s traces

Man proceeds on a distant excursion

Surrounded by emerald forests and blistering storms

Influenced by Renaissance and Medievalism of Florence eluding our memory

Travels promise family inquisition and mystical empowerment beyond belief

Blood baths and traps of hell seem wrenching

But selfish desires and abandonment of mentors and nurses

Bring forth the deadly fates into hearts

Leaving virtues of the left and right cheek

to be left with the forgotten Untermensch

The Savior is no more for those whose blood is wine

but the same fires scorned of greed are left

with fortune; left with nothing

Born to never die in banishment.

Central Europe

Nicilija Macklis

One More Smile

Driving never seemed so sweet

Passing stop signs and red cautioned tape,

But your smile is all I need

When my head spins round and round

Nothing but floating words graze my view

Persisting at every chance

Although never over baring;

Focused and kindled, but never crowded

All I need is a smile

Then the world turns upside down

Waking up, Laying down

Puts my heart at ease

As you let my mind wander,

Is this different?

It doesn’t matter

Cause all that is becomes simple

No need to press,

No need to rush

Just a kiss to fit the pieces.

Ever changing is this constant

Missing every test for good fortune

Just a Love that is noted with passion

Just a Love that is growing.

Distant from any unknowing banter

He spreads out his wings like armor

Pushing away any misleading hatred,

As my lips continuously stay in motion.

Questions begin to spring

Jumping and prancing as flowers in Spring Time

Calming it is with every answer you give

Sincerity is ever flowing;

Into kindness that surprises me

Into understanding you put me in ponder

Through an uncharted journey

That draws me upward,

Endlessly bringing freedom into possibilities.

Uncharted I repeat!

Uncharted I repent.

But without fear you carry my imperfections

Without greed you decide to still kiss me

Without judgment, you smile back;

And all I can be is with you

Who only needed mine in return.

So I say, So I am

A smile that will give

A smile that I need;

Because a smile is all I ever wanted.

Nicilija Macklis

Dating Vs. Relationships

     What would you rather have sitting at your dinner table? Someone who is good at dating or someone who is great in a relationship? Personally, I would rather have someone who is great in a relationship, but I guess the majority of us will never find that out. You know as well as I do that the majority of the time when a bad date comes along the phrase “Let’s Just be Friends” is usually stated shortly after. Which could also be code for, “Yea we are probably never going to see each other again, but it would be a little awkward if I just got up and left.”  I mean, that is what dating is for, right? To tell us how this connection might turn out in the future. Therefore we go on these “Dates” to see if that person across from us is a match, or even interesting enough to pass to the next stage.  And we all know that usually by the second date we know for sure if it is a dead end, or if there might be something special worth keeping. If not, then “Sayonara!” No hard feelings, because nothing really even started. But what if this formula is wrong.What if the whole time this person across from you was dead on perfect for you, but you denied the future meets because of technicalities. The imperfections of asking a question way to soon, or even the surpassing of getting a late night text from this person you barely know. I’ve been there. On both sides of the court, and when it came to saying the friend part I was just as blinded. I’m not saying to continue if there isn’t a spark, but rather give the person a chance if there is. 

     I know it is hard to believe, but dating is really a game. (That is why I usually suggest the phrasing of "hanging out" the first couple times so expectations do not get in the way of the meet.) You can be as honest as possible, but still you are going to have those annoying voices in the back of your mind telling you what not to say. And then the basic question list: Where are you from? What are some of your interests? Do you have family? Do you work? Do you go to school? Tell me about yourself? Of course these are all important, but think about it. We ask not only because we are interested, but also at some point we were told or somehow we were influenced to believe this is how it works. Someone told us to watch what we say on the first date, and what to leave till the third.  Have you ever thought maybe this MEMO wasn’t given to the person you’re meeting at this very moment?  Maybe they are just trying to figure it out all on their own. See, that is when I realized dating casualties should be spared. Especially when I understood that “Dates” are like auditions and relationships are equivalent to getting the role. As weird as it sounds it’s quite the same process. You are trying to make a great first impression while still giving enough so it is not fake or boring. Some people are good at auditions and others are not. That is why there are “Audition Technique Classes.” This still does not mean the actor is not good for the part, but either way the outcome of the situation is going to result in a Call Back or the classic humored response of “Thank you for coming in, don’t call us we’ll call you.”  Obviously, it is not always going to be said this way, but you get the picture.

     Now the “Gut Feeling” is another story. We all get the feeling of how the date is going. We even tend to get that special intuition before the meet happens, but emotions of excitement for the date and the regular day ritual usually clouds our judgments. I have often gone to the date thinking it was mostly nerves, but have learned by trial and error. I am also six-two and usually plan my first dates in public, so the odds of anything happening to me are very slim. (Crossing my Fingers) It can be very tricky to realize if it is nerves or a message sent from above, but that is why it is good to put yourself in a surrounding where you can see your exits at all times. I’M NOT KIDDING) I am not saying something is going to happen, but having those cards in your deck tend to make you relax a little bit more.

     When it comes down to it dating is different for everyone. Depending on your own interests and agenda, a date is an amazing thing. It could be a moment for you to just get out and meet someone new or it could be a special realization with a friend you have known for a long time. Coming from someone that has never been taught those rules, you can probably guess the position I have, but notwithstanding it is just a date.Both sides shouldn’t take it so seriously and should just be themselves without all the annoy habit of course. It is a time to find a connection and it is a time to learn a little bit more about one’s self. Never forget dating needs and has two people, so before wiping your hands clean from the person in front of you, put yourself in their shoes!


Ciao for now
Nico

Career Choices, Go Figure!

    This is the “Biggy” for most people. The career choices that we make to become a success in our own rights. Some are lucky enough to know what they want from the beginning. It is as though particular individuals walk out of the womb with tap shoes glued to their feet as they tap dance and shake their hips as the crowning of mothers are set in place. Some even become child prodigies at the age of 3 by their first piano lesson because the stars aligned just right for them to be able to touch a piano with their tiny little fingers. It is a phenomenon to me how these events come into play rather it was the intention of the parent or just a cosmic energy that was meant to be.  Non-the-less it is a choice in the end. The choice of rather deciding to stick with it or change for reasons only we know. Maybe a loss of interest happened or just another path became a little bit more important as life brought them to pivotal moments. Career choices or at least the ideas of what we should do happen to all of us, so we must never feel we are on our own in the whole situation.

     I was brought up with this question of, “What do you want to be?” since I could remember. There is nothing wrong with the question, but from what I have learned there are negatives and positives of the matter. I found myself as a child to be very shy, and rather I like it or not, this question became a burden. Yes, it did bring me to endless possibilities and brought me to the awareness that I should try everything I do with full passion, but I still cannot help to have admired the freedom of other children. The ability of play without the inner monologue of, “ Is this for Me? And maybe I should try everything all at once to make sure I make my deadline as an adult.” Children and people are all different. It is no fault of any parent or any mentor, because the outcome of how a person feels from being given this opportunity of ponder is different for everyone.  After doing my own soul searching I realized it was not a burden. It was my truth that prepared me for what came and it still is.

     What brought me to this topic in the first place is simple. I’m back in college going almost full time, while the majority of friends are graduating.  I am completely happy for each and every one of them, but it makes you wonder and question the path you decided for yourself. While the majority of my friends were in college, it seemed that life brought me into another direction. I remembered the day it happened. I was in my first year in college in 2005, where I was going more then full time, and I asked the man (or women what ever you believe) up stairs to do me a favor. I asked, “ Lord I know I am meant for more, I know I was put on this earth to help people at a global scale, so please bring it to me.” The ironic thing that happened after this seemed confusing, but in the end it worked out. In 2006, I was in a car accident that took me out of school for almost a year. After a battle to get back in, it brought me to an interesting crossroads. To either keep on fighting to satisfy the good intentions of the college or choose my own path. This is where the epiphany, of many, came to my acknowledgement. What I decided was to see school as training rather than a cirriculum. So from then on I took courses that would satisfy my craving rather than what met the accomplishment of a degree. Yes, I am paying for it now, but I am still happy I made that decision. It brought me into contact with the entertainment industry that allowed me to participate in every aspect. To me I had a moment of success that reached a satisfying level, but by no means am I done.

     I wish I would have more time to explain this a little bit further, but I know as much as anyone that your interest in “Little Old Me” is a click away from your Facebook browser. So if I don’t include words and phrases like “FUCK, BITCHES, and add a note about OPRAH leaving her show or a quote from the E! Network about Lindsay” then you will probably be leaving soon.There are you happy! Ok! Ok! I gave you a picture, but come on she is about to go into the Ugly Cry! That's better than a quote. Love you Oprah, Please Don't Hurt Me! 

      I’m just kidding, but I’m between classes so let me get to the point. We all have different paths, and we all have different ways of getting there. It doesn’t make a person any less justified or important, it is just supposed to be different for every one of us. If it had not been then we would all be the same person, and that would make this world a very boring place to live in. I am still on my journey as well as all of you are. In moments of fear look inside yourselves to find peace, and when that doesn’t work just know that this is not the end of you. Every one of us has a purpose rather it is easy or difficult to reach. Be strong, be confident, and know that you are worthy for whatever decision you make for yourself. For me I know I am not done yet, and I will find where I am supposed to be. So I wish all the success to all of you who are on your path rather it is defined or a little hazy. Just please be genuine and honest, because life never wanted us to be anything else. 

Ciao

Nico

Yesterday

Alarm goes off, It’s time to go

I open my eyes, I start to groan

It’s cold, but pleasant, all at the same time

As I start to move around to wipe my eyes.

I lean right over, to do what I have to do

And that’s turn the annoyance off

Before putting on my shoes,

I sit up and smell the coffee

That my Hubby already made

And hear his footsteps walk passed,

Right across the bed.

I smile and stretch every limb that I see

And attempt to not trip as I crawl to the sink.

With every strength, with every bone,

With every fiber that I possess

I will make it in my three piece suit, 

So I will be properly dressed!

I don’t care if that means no showering for today

I’ll skip my teeth, I’ll skip my hair, 

I’ll just look like yesterday;

No one will notice, no one will ask

As long as the smells gone

I’m sure I will last

What’s the point of even changing my socks

If I’m not doing the other tasks?

Really it’s just routine

Who cares! If I do it half fast.

Now I’m late, “Thank You Mirror,”

You have always tricked me

By not being very clear

I run out the door with my mug

Spilling left and right

Time to go to work again

With the same stain from yesterday’s flight.

1:19am

Nicilija Macklis